Within minutes I was in tears. The missionary who had driven his dusty, sand-covered jeep to come pick me from the airport, filled with the aroma of Nepal, was trying to express his gratitude to me. Since my first visit to Nepal, the children at the orphanage had had to move twice (a harrowing experience) because of the high rent, and it was hoped through fundraising from Kitesong, enough money would be raised to buy a permanent piece of land, where the children could grow up in peace and stability finally.
“Why is it dat God choose you?” he asked again, as we drove through the dusty, spartan Kathmandu city, winding through the dusty, smoky winding roads thronged with motorbikes, scooters and trucks. He had meant to say that God had a plan, and a specific purpose for my being there but it was at that point, when I smelled that familiarly nostalgic smell of Nepal, when I saw the beautifully stark houses and mountain ranges, heard the gorgeously languid accent of Nepalese, that it hit me- God chooses who He wants to use not because we’re better, more special, more loved- but merely, simply, of his great grace.
Grace. More than just a floozy, spiritually abstract word, it simply means receiving what you don’t deserve.
Like each one of my birthday presents, my birthday surprises, a ticket to a Coldplay concert and this trip to Nepal-which, if not for my parents’ generosity and love for me as birthday gifts, I would not have the chance to enjoy. The honour and privilege to live with these missionaries, people who’ve given their lives wholly for the benefit of others. The awe of seeing how God used a naïve idea to change the lives of needy children. What privileges, indulgences which I don’t deserve.
We can choose to demand, choose to be disappointed, or choose not to expect, and to count our every blessing. Over here, the people are experiencing a shortage of water, gas and electricity. The missionaries here can choose to complain about the dust, the fact that we don’t have electricity 16 hours a day every day, or thank God for the well which we can draw water from, thank Him for the 8 hours we do have electricity, thank Him for the blessings which come our way.
Tis a topsy turvy world we live in. That we receive when we release, we are lifted up when we bow down, we are blessed when we least expect it. Sometimes, in an upside down world, perhaps it is when we view the world from heaven’s perspective that things are set the right side up again.
“Why is it dat God choose you?” That question still rings in my mind.
God’s grace. How his great love washed down upon me.
One by one, the children ran up to hug me in the chilly, wintry afternoon. They were waiting, and I took in with surreal amazement the reality that I was back to see them- these children whose pictures are all over my bedroom walls. They were in a new, cheaper place which was far, far smaller, with hardly any space to play or be free, waiting to finally move into a permanent place they could call home.
It was beautiful, just being in their midst again.
I am learning- very often, it is when we let go that we receive His blessings. It was when I was ready to let go and say it was just too expensive to re-visit Nepal, that I just had to release the ministry to God that I was blessed with a ticket; it was when I decided that even watching Coldplay with the cheapest ticket would be an extravagance that I got one of the best seats as a gift; it was when I didn’t know any better that God could act like He knew best.
And it reminds me, that God chooses us for different purposes. And it is our attitudes he is most concerned about. When we are humble, he lifts us up; when we empty ourselves, he fills us up; when we understand that we have no right to anything we own, and start from the basis that everything we have is a blessing, a sign of God’s grace, then truly we can exult in joy and bask in the freedom of gratitude and everything becomes a true blessing..
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