Pain. I am learning, how when put in the right perspective, it can be so good for us.
When I first met Amos, I knew he was a blessing from God. He was everything I had always wished for. Till today, it still feels surreal, for God's timing is best. Had I met him any earlier, I knew I would have sunk right under the wave of the old idolatrous nature, allowing the pride of self and sports to consume me all over again. Amos- it is the name of a man in the bible whose purpose was to warn people of God's displeasure against their idolatry.
For the longest time, I had wished I would be able to master the art of swimming freestyle competitively. I wanted to master water. Friends had offered help and advice but I wanted something more. I wanted to be pushed, wanted to learn, master and marvel at one of the most beautiful art forms of gliding through water with the human body. Desperate, I posted a message on the triathlete forum asking for someone willing to teach me one-on-one. On evenings after work. At the pool at my place because I've no time to travel. Tough luck, I thought- the price would be steep. Private lessons can cost up to more than a hundred dollars an hour.
But Amos replied and said he would teach me for free because he loves to teach. He teaches all the kids at his condominium for free too. He doesn't mind coming to my place because he happens to live 2 minutes from where I live. Amos is a professional swimmer- he was trained by australian multiple award winner for best-coach-of-year Ian Pope and has come in first in a number of competitions.
Yes, so when I first met Amos, I knew he was a blessing from God. He was everything I had ever asked God for in a coach. I was embarrassed, no doubt. Why would someone like him spend his time on someone like myself? For nothing monetary in return? But his passion amazed me, his encouragement goaded me, his friendship worked in me a motivation which unleashed something I never knew existed within me. Zealous for life and full of determination, he is the perfect mix of nanny-friend and terror which makes a good coach Good.
First time we met, he made it very clear to me that he took training very seriously. "I don't understand why people don't put in their best. It doesn't matter if you're going for a short or long race-what matters is that you put in your best. Pain is not an option. Pain is your friend, okay? "
"We're gonna warm-up first, do some drills, and then finish a couple of sets." I looked at him in mild amusement- I was sure he didn't understand what I meant when I told him I was a really, really bad freestyle swimmer, "worse than a chicken in water". But several drills and fine-tuning practises later, when I had finally got the hang of gliding and was tired and losing focus, breathing every 2 strokes instead of the 4 he had stipulated, he stared straight into my eyes and told me, "If you wanna improve and not die during trials, then you've got to make Pain your Friend. I'm not joking- I will yell at you if you don't try. Breathe only after every four strokes, not two. Don't disappoint me. Go. "
Last Saturday, we went to the open sea in Sentosa so I could get a feel of what open-water swimming was like in triathlons. The tide was coming in, the current strong and he could tell I was stressed out by the situation. "Look, it's okay if you're not used to it, we don't have to swim to that island over there. I don't want you to drown." The other shore was far away, and the sheer distance of choppy waves which lay in between paralysed me. "No, we'll try it out. I'm okay. Pain is our friend, right?"
I gulped and went for it. Though stressed initially by the heavy currents which I wasn't used to, I started to enjoy the water so much. But halfway through in the middle of the ocean, the pain in my legs stalled me. I wanted to stop because of the pain. I had confessed to Amos before, that for some reason, I always lost confidence, speed and hope after I crossed the halfway mark, in almost everything I did. It scared me because I know the journey God has before us is all about finishing well, and not merely starting off strong. He shouted, "Keep going!"
Suddenly, a firework of stings burned my skin as a group of seabugs latched onto me, including my lips. At that moment, my senses awakened and I pressed on. It reminded me, of how God had allowed the angels to put fiery burning coals on the lips of a righteous man because the Painful cleansing process was necessary for the great calling God had lay ahead of him. (Isaiah 6:5-8) I pressed on. There and back, there and back.
Pain. I am learning, how it can be good for us when we allow it to come from God, and not our own blind self-striving.
The next day, at church, we listened to the story of a one-day trek up an icy mountain organised for tourists visiting Switzerland. At every trek, many people would start off strong, determined to reach the top, and were even more enthused in knowing that there would be a half-way resthouse to recharge in at noon. But at every trek, when the people reached the resthouse, and started to drink, eat and make merry amidst music of the piano and accordion, only but a few would go back out in the freezing cold, for the jovial atmosphere in the warm resthouse was a comfortable relief from the harsh winds. But at 4 o'clock, when the finalists reached the top to plant their flags, a bell would sound and an inevitable funeral-like atmosphere would permeate the once-merry resthouse. It was a smell of discouragement, of despair and of shame. All the celebrating would end at that point, because the people knew, they didn't make it because they didn't embrace the Pain of the journey with resilience and faith. They gave up mid-way. They didn't go all the way with the vision laid upon their hearts at the beginning.
Amos taught me more than swimming. "Pain is your friend. Your problem is not endurance, it's confidence. "
Today was a tough day. After doing drill after drill and swallowing lots of water, I was ready to call it a day. But Amos had more in mind- that was merely the warm-up. "Now training starts proper, we're going to do sets." I wasn't ready for it. If I had been by myself, that would have been more than sufficient. I thought he was joking, but he wasn't. Towards the end, with my legs burning and lungs close to bursting, I gave it all I got but at the end, he said, "Two more sets. " I looked at him, horrified. "Two more sets. I know you can do it. Don't quit on me now, it's only going to get harder." My adrenalin was pumping, my limbs were aching and my lungs were gasping. A fiery anger burned inside me. "Good, I see that fire. Put it in those last few laps, you can stop now if you're a quitter."
Something in me broke in the last set. There was Pain inside all of me. I wanted to quit. I am an artist, a painter, a writer, a runner at most, but not a swimmer. That excruciating agony surprised me and all at once, an emotional downpour rained upon me as I pulled through the water, remembering the story I had heard at church about going all the way with God. That climbing heights with God is about keeping our eyes on the vision which He has for us at the end, that it always requires going all the way, and about fighting the battle through pain. Because He wants us to be acclimatized to the harsher conditions of the second leg of the climb and race. Because it's not about how well we start, but how well we finish. We need to overcome and endure whatever Pain there is, so we can reach the end.
I don't know where all that fiery energy and anger came from but when I remembered that story I gave it all I got. There was a desperation to finish the race, a fiestiness to complete what I had started. Suddenly I was angry with the Pain. I was angry with myself always lacking the confidence to finish off strong. I was angry at all the teasing being thrown at me at school and which had hurt me and crossed my threshold and which I kept bottling inside but which I no longer wanted to take. That anger surprised me because I never knew it existed. "Don't give up-where is your character?" he asked me when I turned to do the next lap. I wanted to throw the heavy weights he had made me wear on my legs at him.
When I finally hit the wall, with the upsurge of adrenalin and pain and hormones and emotionality boiling up inside me and my lungs desperate for breath, with the remembrance of the story about Pain and finishing well with God at church, with the disbelief that I was finally swimming for real, and with the gratitude I had towards God for blessing me with a coach and friend like Amos, for seeing me through the journey of overcoming idolatry, for speaking to me in such a consistent way about pain and finishing well, for returning the joy of sports and life to me and finally practising sports with the kind of good pain within His limits, tears welled up in my eyes. Suddenly, I just felt like screaming my lungs out. I just cried. When I got out of the water, I just broke and cried.
Amos put a towel over me and sat me down to talk, as we always do after every lesson. "You okay?"
"Yes."
" You were good today. You did well. I am proud of you, you aren't a quitter, you've character. You finished well. You made Pain your friend and you did well."
It was an emotional time. The tears kept flowing and I couldn't stop them. All this while I thought God wanted me to put sports away because it had become an idol, but look how, when we surrender it to Him, He can powerfully He use it to impact and teach us and show us the great extent of His generous love. He took away, and then gave back in double portion.
Pain. I am learning that it can be a beautiful thing when we put it in perspective. Pain, when used to fuel our idolatry for selfish gains and self-striving, can be destructive. But when understood in the context of building our character, and extrapolating its principles to the most important Race we call life with God, it can be a beautiful, beautiful thing. No matter what mountain we climb, what race we begin, as long as God has called us to it, we need to be faithful to complete it.
Amos- it is the name of the man who understood the gravity of not putting God first.
Amos taught me about Pain. We learn most from it when it becomes our friend, not idol or god. We overcome when it becomes our friend, and we overcome for the purpose of finishing the good work which God has begun in us. Only a few reach the top of the mountain.
Who may ascend into the hill of God?
Or who may stand in His holy place?
He who has clean hands and a pure heart,
Who has not lifted up his soul to an idol,
Nor sworn deceitfully.
He shall receive blessing from God,
And righteousness from the God of his salvation.
-Psalm 24:3-5
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