"... the human heart is an 'idol factory.'
- Counterfeit Gods by Timothy Keller
I was just sharing with a close friend about my injury and what I had learnt from it when she said in all love and honesty, "There's a pattern in your life, Jia. And I'm amused... You're so... extreme."
When have I heard that before.
Just three days ago, one of my biking buddies said to me, "You dive into things in life with such intensity- I know not because I've seen you at work. I know, from the way you ride. Sports can reflect many things."
Bloodthirsty. I can be bloodthirsty when I ride.
It was then that I realised, quite solemnly, that unless I learn the lesson of balance and moderation, of trusting in God instead of striving in my own self-sufficient ways, I would make the same mistake, over and over. The next injury could be far worse. It made me wonder why I pursue things with such intensity and rigor, and how I could learn to temper it with self-restraint.
At Sunday School two days ago, God spoke to me in a still small voice.
Last Sunday's lesson was about what heaven is like, and who can get to heaven.
I had prepared cards for the children to hold up during the lesson, so the children could participate. Mr. Clever, Miss Kind, Mr. Rich, Miss Pretty, Mr. Big-Bible, and Mr. Sporty stood in line. Mr. Christian was the last one.
"Children, who do you think can get to heaven?"
"MISS KIND!!"
" MR. BIG-BIBLE!!"
"AND MR. CHRISTIAN!!!"
So I asked them, "Oh really? But what if Mr. Clever studies so hard that he becomes a missionary doctor and serves the poor? What if Mr. Rich donates A LOT of money to hungry children in Africa? And what if Miss Kind does good things only because she wants other people to praise her? And what if Mr. Big Bible..."
"DOESN'T READ HIS BIBLE AT ALL!" shouted a boy from the back.
"Exactly. And what if Mr. Christian disobeys God? What if he does something very, very wrong?"
"THEN THEY CANNOT GO TO HEAVEN."
"Really? Oh, but Jiejie (big sister) Wai Jia has disobeyed God many times. So does that mean I won't go to heaven either? Haven't any of you disobeyed God before when you were rude to your mummies or daddies?"
I was messing with them. I wanted them to see that the answers aren't in black and white, and that no one but God can judge us. Who but God is to say who goes where?
"Okay, now I want to ask, what if.... say, Jiejie Wai Jia is very clever, and kind and rich and pretty and sporty and reads her bible every day- does this mean I'll get to heaven?"
This time, sensing that the answer wouldn't be so straightforward, the kids weren't so quick to answer. Some said yes, some said, maybe.
It was then when those words left my mouth that I suddenly realised how so many of us try to be and do things for an ultimate aim, and that these things can be idols. I suddenly realised that each card represented a false hope, and each child holding the card symbolised the idols of our age. Intelligence, self-righteousness, greed, and pride are familiar enemies. And I had definitely been guilty, at some point, of making idols for myself. My hot pursuit of my interests was perhaps, an outflow of my passionate character or perhaps, also a reflection of idolatry.
Idol after idol.
An idol isn't just a wooden carving one sees in a voodoo shop. According to Tim Keller, an idol is anything more fundamental than God to one's happiness, meaning in life or identity. They aren't even bad things- they're merely good things turned into ultimate things. Anything can be an idol. It is anything that absorbs one's heart and imagination more than God, even if transiently, anything one seeks to give one what only God can give. It is more than money, sex and power.
Idols can be our beauty (Miss Pretty) or brains (Mr. Clever), family and children, career and making money (Mr. Rich), achievement (Mr. Sporty) and critical acclaim, or saving “face” (Miss Kind) and social standing. It can be a romantic relationship, peer approval, competence and skill, secure and comfortable circumstances, or even a commitment to one's religion (Mr. Big Bible).
It sounds pretty extreme, but really, I think most, if not all of us have or have had idols. Timothy Keller writes, "An idol is whatever you look at and say, in your heart of hearts, “If I have that, then I’ll feel my life has meaning, then I’ll know I have value, then I’ll feel significant and secure.”
It's never so straightforward, though. We never know what things stand as idols in our hearts till... we lose them. Or when God, in His love, chooses to take them away. We cannot understand our own hearts or own culture until we understand idols.
In his book, Keller says the central plot device of The Lord of the Rings is the Dark Lord Sauron’s Ring of Power, which corrupts anyone who tries to use it, however good his or her intentions. The Ring is what Professor Ttom Shippey calls “a psychic amplifier,” which takes the heart’s fondest desires and magnifies them to idolatrous proportions. Some good characters in the book want to liberate slaves, or preserve their people’s land, or visit wrongdoers with just punishment. These are all good objectives.
But the Ring makes them willing to do any thing to achieve them, anything at all. It turns the good thing into an absolute that overturns every other allegiance or value. The wearer of the Ring becomes increasingly enslaved and addicted to it, for an idol is something we cannot live without. We must have it, and therefore it drives us to break rules we once honored, to harm others and even ourselves in order to get it. Idols are spiritual addictions that lead to terrible evil, in Ttolkien’s novel and real life.
It reminded me of how I had at some point, placed my security in the approval of others, in my appearance, in my work, in my sport, in my achievements and my ministry. And then it suddenly dawned upon me that my injury was a test from God, to see if it had become an idol in my life. It was also a gift, a way of God answering my prayer to help me cling loosely to all things, and to always put Him, and not things or myself, first in my life.
I thought about my injury, felt the pain there and reflected on how God had been faithful to answer all my prayers, albeit in a rather painful way. I had prayed, God, help me to cling loosely to all my possessions, especially my bike. God, help me to focus more on my studies in my final year. God, help me to spend my time wisely.
As I looked at the line of children holding up the cards, they reminded me of how at some point, I too, had worshipped or taken pride in my own intelligence, character, wealth, beauty, religiousness and sport.
Mr. Clever, Miss Kind, Mr. Rich, Miss Pretty, Mr. Big-bible, Mr. Sporty, Mr. Christian and haha, Miss Tan!
As I became better at cycling, I remember praying one day, for God to give me strength and courage should I lose my legs one day, either through an accident or cancer. Because of my love for running, dancing, swimming, and riding, God knows my legs mean much to me, and so I asked Him to help me surrender them, lest I lose them one day. Ah, dangerous prayers.
I suppose, having a pelvic stress fracture and tearing so many muscles was His version of mercy, heh.
I learnt, how our trials, instead of achievements in life are often stepping stones for us to climb the stairway of heaven, to draw closer to God to understand His true nature. I learnt, how many things in life can distract us from the truth. I learnt, how important it is for us to learn our lessons properly, so we don't commit the same mistakes, over and over.
"So children, you see, it's not so straightforward. Going to heaven isn't about ticking off a checklist of all the things you've done. It's not about how you strive to be a certain way to hit a certain mark. It's not about doing things to become like any of these people here. It's all about believing and trusting in God. It's that simple."
And then I heard a voice saying to me, "And trusting in the true, not counterfeit one, too."
"The only way to free ourselves from the destructive influence of counterfeit gods
is to turn back to the true one living God,
who revealed himself both at Mount Sinai and on the Cross.
He is the only Lord who, if you find him, can truly fulfill you,
and, if you fail him,
can truly forgive you."
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