Merely mortal.

Often, it is during exam periods when things strike.

Fatigue, weariness, occassional moodiness, and the subconscious stress that tweaks the charm of your smile ever so little. It doesn't help when after a long time of prayer by your bedside, when you've -finally- reached the point of letting anxiety go, and feel your eyes quietly descending like curtains, you hear the deafening sound of a monster banging down on hard concrete.

BANGBANGBANG.

Right when the clock struck twelve last night. It was as if the funeral chants through the whole day yesterday were just a prelude to this grand finale. How the road authorities had the audacity to allow a yellow,ugly crane to dig up a road RIGHT OUTSIDE MY WINDOW at midnight, ALL THROUGH THE NIGHT, remains to be one of the greatest mysteries to me. BANGBANGBANG.

It carried on like this for at least 3 hours past midnight.

As if the terrible bash of a tonne of metal against the tarred road wasn't enough to draw attention, I peered out to find the monstrous machines banging in sync with flashing fluorescent lights. How nice, I thought. So I studied a little more and did bible study till my body had to surrender to exhaustion.

Hang on, I hear you say- this is Singapore. Things like that don't happen- it isn't right. I couldn't believe it either. I live in a residential area, not Pulau Ulu.

How this incident didn't rile up everyone immediately to manifest their complaining prowess in full Singaporean glory to put a stop to that incredulity remains the next mystery to me. You mean everyone sleeps with the air-conditioning on in sound-proof rooms? Or maybe the authorities were sleeping at that time of night. Maybe.

Mum woke up to find her daughter curled like a dead animal on the wooden bench in the living room. "Jia," her text message read, " I called the National Environmental Agency to complain. They will look into the matter. If they make noise again tonight, call again. U have a good day."

I can almost imagine my mother spitting fire into the telephone in a how-dare-you-make-my-daughter-sleep-on-the-living-room-bench kind of way, and the NEA recipient on the other line shrinking back in trepidation. Like, my daughter was sleeping in the living room because it didn't occur to you most people with normal circadian cycles sleep at night? Many people must have called them today. Mums are the best.

Land Transport Authorities, and Crocs. Bottom of my list now.

It has not been an easy week. A lot of memories and old things returned, of which I will share after I've somewhat figured this out. I promise to write more when this series of exams end next week. Yesterday at church, we talked, and then you looked at me very seriously to tell me I was taking too many things upon myself, mainly, other people's problems. And I looked at you, quiet, because well, to some extent, it was... true.

I am tired. Physically and mentally. That day a friend asked why he hadn't seen me running anymore. I didn't want to tell him I was tired, and there were 2 days I woke up with my heart hurting, literally, even though I wasn't training, wasn't doing anything much. It wasn't a stabbing pain, just a weak, mild sort of lingering muscular discomfort. One day it lasted through the entire day in spurts, not enough to hinder anything at all or to demand a visit to the doctor, but enough to remind me- that we are all frail, merely... mortal. This was a consequence from the past, my heart muscles weakening as a result. This morning I awoke feeling it again. It went away.

I can't wait to leave for China to visit this missionary doctor. He started a leprosy community clinic, numerous village-doctor training programmes, and actively involves himself in helping the poor and needy there help themselves. 5 December to 15 December. I can't wait.

Woman was made in the garden, in the midst of birds, trees and waterfalls- not behind a study desk.

I need an endless beach, sand on skin, and a blue sky filled with fluffy clouds. Just, clouds.