Do you Have Amazing Sex All Month Long

Elise Nersesian

.

Why you have sex, how often you orgasm, and how wild you're tempted to get in bed all depend in part on where you are in your menstrual cycle. "When women hear the word menstrual, they tend to think of cramps and discomfort," says Gina Ogden, Ph.D., author of The Return of Desire. "But the hormones that influence your cycle—estrogen, testosterone, and progesterone—fluctuate each day and affect your sexual behavior in dramatic ways."
And although every woman is different, knowing what changes your body is going through can help you plan for a month of unbelievable super sex.


Day 1

Take control during sexOn the first day of your period you'll feel extroverted and bold, thanks to a rise in the feel-good hormones oxytocin, testosterone, and estrogen. Your libido should be amped, too, so aim for all the pleasure you can. Woman-on-top is ideal because your clitoris is extra sensitive and you can control the depth and angle while he lies back and enjoys the view. If things get messy, throw a towel on the bed or take a shower before you get busy.

Day 2

Indulge in slow, sensual sexYou're feeling good, because estrogen and testosterone continue to rise today. "Estrogen magnifies the five senses, so kisses feel more intense and your man looks more attractive to you, making sex a total mind-body experience," says Gabrielle Lichterman, author of 28 Days. Light some candles, play slow tunes, and satisfy each other from head to toe.

Day 3

Pamper him"A surge in testosterone boosts your confidence in your union and makes any annoying habits your partner may have seem less grating," Lichterman says. (His snoring may not become cute, but you get the idea.) So treat him to a spine-tingling massage. There's no doubt he'll return the favor.

Day 4

Think outside the boxYour right brain is famous for giving you creative ideas, and today tiny levels of rising estrogen and testosterone boost the odds you'll use this side of your mind. "You're apt to feel more imaginative when it comes to brainstorming or making decisions," Lichterman says. Your creativity will spill into the bedroom, too.

Day 5

Get competitive"Your right brain may have been in charge yesterday, but today estrogen and testosterone will increase even more, shifting the power to your analytical left brain," Lichterman says. Testosterone also makes you competitive. Use that bold streak to challenge him to a naughty game, such as strip poker. If you win, so does your libido: According to a study published in the journal Evolution and Human Behavior, conquering a guy elevates your testosterone levels by 49 percent, making you even more amorous.

Day 6

Bond with your guyBy now, you should be feeling calm, rational, and remarkably clear-headed. "Estrogen gets another boost, making you social and articulate," says Jed Diamond, Ph.D., author of The Irritable Male Syndrome. So take advantage of your way with words and tell your guy exactly why you love him. He'll eat it up.

Day 7

Sync up your sex drivesYou're still chatty due to elevated estrogen levels, and as an added perk, "your energy will skyrocket," Lichterman says. Since guys are often raring to go in the morning (their testosterone levels peak in the a.m.), take advantage of your extra adrenaline and hop in the shower

How to get him to commit

Elise Nersesian
.

It happened slowly, over time. Relationships became less defined, and now it's often hard to know if you're actually in one. "Even if a guy acts like a boyfriend, he may not be committed," says Scott Haltzman, M.D., author of The Secrets of Happily Married Women. "Online dating gives you so many choices that some guys prefer to keep their options open."

That's where Facebook comes in—not only does it connect men with new potential mates, it also keeps them in touch with old flames. "Our studies show that 80 percent of people keep in contact with their exes through social-networking sites," says Amy Muise, a Ph.D. candidate in the department of applied social psychology at the University of Guelph in Ontario. "With all these reminders of the past, it can become harder for men to live in the present and make their relationships official."

The provider complex

But perhaps the biggest factor that's keeping men perpetually single is the economy. Significantly more men than women have lost their jobs. In fact, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, roughly 75 percent of lost jobs have been to men since the recession began. Understandably, guys feel overwhelming pressure to focus solely on their careers. "Many men have decided they simply can't afford to have a girlfriend right now," says Bethany Marshall, Ph.D., author of Deal Breakers. "They don't have the money to buy expensive dinners or fancy gifts." Nor do they feel they have the time or energy necessary for making a relationship work.

As a result, many couples (and we're using that term loosely) fall into a gray area that sort of resembles a relationship but lacks the exclusivity and respect that a real romance requires. And this state of being may suit men better than women. "It's important to women to know where they stand," Marshall says. "They are relational by nature and need to know their role with a man in order to feel comfortable."

How to make him your boyfriend

According to research, women have a greater chance of landing a boyfriend when they don't have sex on the first date. "Even if he's trying to angle his way upstairs, men actually enjoy waiting," advises Haltzman. Log three or four dates before sleeping with him. If that's too retro for you, at least limit the number of nights you hang out. "Don't skip yoga or happy hour just because he wants to see you," says Marshall. "Not always being available keeps the mystery alive."

Also, when he asks what you want to do on a date, throw out something low-key, like dinner at a bar or a bike ride. That will take the pressure off him financially, and you'll appear fun and unpretentious—qualities all men admire.

Done all that and he's still not committing? It's time to articulate your desires. "Guys may hate 'the talk,' but it's fair for you to express that you would like to be exclusive," Haltzman says. Try saying something like, "I'm having fun with you and I don't really want to see other people anymore. Do you?" If he says he can't commit, break it off. Sometimes, realizing you're slipping away is what gives him the kick in the butt to hold on.

23rd Birthday.

This birthday is the best one I've ever had. Although it was on Wednesday, showers of blessing rained down since Monday, all through the week till the weekend. This birthday has been the biggest breakthrough for me in so many ways- physically, emotionally and spiritually. And I want to thank each of you for being a part of my journey thus far.

On Monday, a public institution, two established foundations and my publisher gave their full support for A Taste of Rainbow, the book I had written in June 2007 about faith, hope and courage, to raise funds and awareness for people struggling with depression and disorders from self-esteem issues. The first page of the book begins with Hebrews 11:1- "Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." In June 2007, I saw a rainbow in the sky just moments after I had finished the first draft of the book.

A rainbow is God's promise. On Monday, I saw a glimpse of that reality.

On the same day, Faith, the bicycle, was built. Faith is a gift from my friends and family, put together by them because of how they had been moved by God who gave the money meant for my new bike to Alisha, a 4-year old deaf Nepalese girl who was $20'000 short. It was because of this giving that I met Ms K, a lady behind a huge foundation who was passionate not only to pay off all of Alisha's medical costs, but to fully sponsor A Taste of Rainbow.

The connections, revelations and lessons gleaned from this story blows my mind to this day, still.
On Tuesday, my friends came down specially with me to be fitted onto Faith. We were ecstatic. They even brought down their huge SLR cameras to capture the special moment. Interestingly, Faith still had a few tweaks to undergo.



On Wednesday, Faith was finally ready. And I wondered if God might have had a hand in it, simply because He makes things so perfect, to have me collect Faith on my birthday.


That night, around 30 friends came to my home. Many breakthroughs happened that night. Using a projector, I shared with them a presentation I'd put together to share with them my life journey with God. I entitled it "Finding Faith." It was about Kitesong, my illness, A Taste of Rainbow, Ophthalmology, Alisha and of course, my bicycle and my eventual recovery. For the first time, I could be strong enough to talk about this entire experience and about God's faithfulness in front of a watchful and fairly large audience. For A Taste of Rainbow to be truly effective in reaching patients, youth-at-risk and the public-at-large, my publisher said I had to be ready in being open with my Story.

That night, was my first step to being brave to share my Story face to face with people. In the past, I could only write but never talk about it much.

A Taste of Rainbow is a story about having the courage to confess one's weaknesses and to get help. It is a story about a little girl who loses, and then finds her mouth.

On my 23rd birthday, on a Wednesday evening in front of about 30 people, I found my mouth. And when I spoke, I felt God's pleasure.

my friends listening

Grandpa Zhou came too, and, with everyone clapping and singing and playing the guitar according to his tunes song after song, he overcame his feelings of inferiority. It was a breakthrough for him, too.

Grandpa Zhou doing what he does best.

Everyone enjoying his singing

In addition, my friends supported Qing (a patient who had been disfigured when she was 14 by her elder sister's boyfriend) by buying the handmade flowers she had made. That meant receiving many more cards, far fewer things I didn't need, and almost $200 for her- that made me very happy. I love cards.

On Thursday, I met someone who was interested in reprinting Kitesong to raise funds to build a school in India for needy children. I might be sent there this June to visit the kids.

Suddenly, I realised that God's promise to me was true. That I guess, perhaps He has a plan for me in writing and painting.

On Friday, I acknowledged that God had blessed me above and beyond what I could ever ask. I decided that with my bicycle Faith, I ought to honour God's faithfulness to me by being even more prudent and disciplined about my spending. I had just decided I no longer wanted to buy any more unecessary sporting apparel (trisuit, biking jersey etc) when I received a call to meet a friend at the train station.

That night, I received the triathlon suit I had tried on a week ago and liked but couldn't bring myself to buy. The special stranger's gesture made me think twice and thrice. Eventually I concluded I was vain. It was on discount, but still, a hundred and fifty dollars- a sum that would sponsor 3 children's living expenses for a month in Andra Pradesh, India. My friend said he knew the shop owner and would be able to get a bigger discount on an item I fancied. Stupidly, I believed him. I never expected he would buy it for me. One hundred and fifty dollars. I was speechless.

On Saturday, I invited my friends who had got Faith for me to my place for dinner. I cooked, as a gesture of gratitude and thanks. What I didn't expect was how they continued to lavish me with gifts- an expensive strawberry cake, new tyres for my new wheels, ear-plugs for my swim training, and... ...

I buried my head in my hands. I had only removed a corner of the blue wrapping when I stood stoned. It was the new team cycling jersey, the one I'd been planning to get since January but just kept delaying because I thought that with a new bike, I ought to spend less. I felt it was too much to be spending so much money in such a short span of time. I felt I didn't need a second cycling jersey.

They got it for me because "you only have one right? Whatcha gonna do if you wanna ride on consecutive days?" and "See, this one matches your bike well. Right colour and size, yes?"

I wanted to cry and flip and laugh, all at the same time. But I was too shocked. They put Faith together for me, and now are buying things for me that match her.

This Sunday morning I woke up and saw signs of bad skin again. I biked, ran and swam yesterday and knew the cruelty of the unmerciful sun on my sensitive skin. Many months ago, a lady at church, Aunty M, treated me to a series of facial treatments at the high-end boutique shop she owned simply because "I just want to bless you, Wai Jia. I want to see God's radiance on your face."

Of late, I had decided to stop going because I felt bad about the whole thing. I woke up this morning, knowing my skin would only worsen from today on because training would be ramped up in preparation for the OSIM triathlon.

I was about to leave church when she caught me and held my hand, "Wai Jia, I want you come back SIX more times in 6 months. I just want to take care of you and see your skin perfectly cleared. Okay?"

6 months. That's just about the length of time I might be training for the Olympic distance triathlon.

It amazed me, truly, to see how God always keeps His promises, how He really knows our every need and takes best care of us. I remember when He gave the money for my new bike away to Alisha, Aunty Ay told me: God is no man's debtor. You will never need more than He can supply.

This week, I saw God's grace and abundance in my life. For all my grumbling and inability to give completely joyfully to Alisha (I was crushed and anguished for a long time), I didn't deserve a new bike at all. Yet He gave me not only a brand-new one, but the love of friends and family, and more importantly, a Story of Faith to tell.

For all my rebellion, faintheartedness and doubt, A Taste of Rainbow should very well have been trashed. Yet, God saved it, and in His perfect time, allowed its progress and I believe, will allow its complete fruition.

For all my materialism and vanity, I most certainly don't deserve to be pampered. Yet, God blessed me through angels and friends, and I received item after item which would allow me not only to complete a triathlon but to complete it with the whole set-up, trisuit and all. It blows my mind. I have never had so many thoughtful gifts in so short a time in my entire life.

Surely, this is far, far more than what God demanded for Alisha. He asks for all, only because He gives all. And His all is surely more than ours. Surely, none of this would have happened if I had ignored Him to buy the beau I first set my worldly eyes upon.

And above all,
God blessed me with friends.
Friends who accept and encourage me,
who've walked with me hand in hand,
and who love me precisely for what I've been through,
and for the way I am.

Thank you for walking with me,

on this journey of faith.

Thank you God,

for the most memorable birthday.

"Bless the Lord, O my soul,

and forget not all his benefits."

-Psalm 103:2

Candid Desi Bollywood Babes Holi Pictures

Talk to Your Boyfriend So He'll Listen

Elise Nersesian
.

Ever notice how even the nicest guy can act like an insensitive dolt when you're trying to convey something important—your fear of being fired, that you're drifting apart from your best friend, even how bummed you are that the two of you have hit a sexual dry spell? It's not that he doesn't care—really it isn't—it's just that men process information much differently than women, and as a result, your words often get lost in translation. But don't stress, the solution is simple: Learn how to talk to your man. We've got great communicating tips.

Talk side by side

If you're broaching a potentially sticky subject (stuff like your wanting to get married, or his partying too much), avoid a face-to-face conversation. "Although it seems counterintuitive, insisting on eye contact while hashing out an issue can actually make the problem worse," says Scott Haltzman, M. D., co-author of The Secrets of Happily Married Women. Looking him directly in the eye can make him feel threatened—and when confronted, men instinctively kick into survival mode, triggering a fight-or-flight response. To put him at ease, talk to your boyfriend while you're doing something side by side—walking, driving, eating dinner together on the sofa.

Cut to the chase

According to a study recently published in the journal NeuroImage, the male brain interprets men's voices as speech and women's voices as music. That's why he can easily focus when one of his buddies drones on about some lame computer game, yet has to work overtime to concentrate on your bitch-of-a boss tale. To ensure that he hangs on your every word, make your point as quickly as possible. "Men want to get to the bare bones of the matter," Haltzman says. "So grab his attention by using direct statements such as 'Here's why I'm upset' or 'The bottom line is this.'"

Let him know you need to vent

When you're telling your guy about your backstabbing best friend and he looks confused, it's not because you're not explaining yourself clearly or he's slow on the uptake. Biological differences make men innate problem solvers; the furrowed brow indicates that his mind is scrambling to find a solution. "When a woman presents a man with a dilemma, he interprets this as a request to fix her problem, not to simply listen," Haltzman says. Clue him in by letting him know what you need before you make your point. Try prefacing your story with "I just really need to get this off my chest." By telling him what you expect up front, he'll know what to do and be able to give you what you really want: his ear.

Stroke his ego

If it seems like every time you ask him for a favor your words go in one ear and out the other, you may need to butter him up more. Men are brimming with testosterone, which makes them competitive, and compliments help them feel important and superior. Let's say he never hangs out with your friends. Feed his ego by saying something like "You're so funny! Actually, my friends could use some cheering up. Can you come out with us tonight?" The positive reinforcement will challenge him to rise to the occasion, and the vote of confidence will make him feel needed.

Make Him Feel Like a Man

Steve Friedman

.

I consider myself a feminist. Raised by a charter subscriber to Ms. magazine, I was brought up to believe in gender equality--that men and women were on level playing fields in the world. I've never flinched at having a female boss. I stumped for Hillary Clinton. I even once dated a woman who knew how to drive a backhoe.

So I never thought twice about hooking up with Allie (not her real name), an orthopedic surgeon who was smart, accomplished, and pulling in far more money than I. Was I bothered? Not a bit. I never understood men who didn't admire success in the women they loved. Sure, we might crack wise about wishing for partners who were chronically adoring, relentlessly agreeable, and handy with a spatula. But the truth is, unless a guy watched too many Leave It to Beaver reruns as a kid, he wants a woman who's his intellectual and emotional equal. At least I wanted someone like that.

Or I thought I did. Until Black Thursday—otherwise known as the day that Allie and I made the big mistake of going rollerblading together. You see, what started out as a friendly challenge turned into a spirited race, and then into something else entirely. In short, Allie ended up leaving me in a trail of dust. And my male ego didn't like it.

The following Sunday, I was still ticked off. We were standing in her kitchen. I had done the dishes—that proved my postmodern feminist bona fides, right?—and I was silently (maybe too silently) arranging our bagels and lox on the table.

"Is there something you want to talk about?" Allie asked.

"What do you mean?" "You've been acting weird ever since we went rollerblading."

"As I already mentioned, I had a leg cramp. Plus, I was distracted because I was worried about a deadline," I said.

"I never make excuses when you beat me at thumb wrestling," my beloved pointed out.

"Which you do every time, because your hands are twice as big as mine. But I beat you at one thing, and you're a sulky 2-year-old."

"I am not!" "Riiiiiight."

"Plus, my wheels really need rotating."

"Fact: I play your silly thumb-wrestling game because you like it, even though it's not an even a contest," Allie said. "Fact: I beat you at rollerblading. Fact: You've been a jerk ever since."

"Can we not discuss this?" I shot back. Allie shook her head as I glared at my untouched but (if I do say so myself) perfectly prepared sesame bagel with lox and cream cheese. "Steve," my wealthy, accomplished, and occasionally wise girlfriend said, "maybe you ought to think about why getting beat by me drives you nuts."

She had a point, of course. After all, wasn't I—a man dedicated to gender-neutral hiring practices and the wholesale shattering of glass ceilings—supposed to be beyond this? Wasn't I—a man who wanted an equal partner—supposed to celebrate my girlfriend's strength and embrace her all-around awesomeness? Even when that awesomeness translated into athletic defeat for yours truly?

Claudia Molina Candid Swimsuit Pictures

Examing my Faith.

It's one thing to say you believe in something. And quite another to actually do it.

Like me, do you find yourself inconsistent, too? Telling yourself how terrible it is to be a spendthrift, then buying the next thing which catches your fancy; teaching your younger brother how terrible it is to lie, then telling a white one yourself; nodding your head to forgiveness then finding it so very hard to let go of a past hurt.

It got me thinking.

My next triathlon is coming up. I will be trying my first sprint distance, which is half the Olympic distance. Hence, I had been keeping a lookout for an affordable tri-suit on discount. A trisuit is a kind of amphibean attire many triathletes choose to wear for their swim, bike and run. I finally found 2 I liked, of which I would buy one. Thinking about what I had read about The Power of Half, I felt justified since they were on 30% and 60% discount.

I don't know why I still couldn't buy it.

There is a concept called The Power of Half. And then, I thought, there's also God' s kind of power- the Power of All. Do I really need a trisuit. Sure, it's more comfortable, it looks better. After all, the price is slashed. But slashed or not, it still is ridiculously expensive, for a piece of apparel I will only wear a few times a year, for a less embarrassing appearance on other people's facebook pages at the end of my race. I'm only doing this for fun and to stay healthy.

I remember, it was the day before my birthday that I received the email from the beautiful stranger, who wanted to donate all his money received over the Lunar New Year to me to support whatever cause I wanted. And as I thought about it, tears welled up in my eyes.

On my birthday, the prayer devotional for the day was about being consistent. The book writes: Is your faith consistent with your way of life?

That line struck me. I understood it on 2 levels. One, are my values and my belief in God consistent with my behaviour? Two, how is my bicycle Faith reflected in my life?

I wanted a bicycle. I found a bicycle. My father gave me money for Christmas. God gave my money away to a 4-year old girl who needed to hear more than I needed to bike. I was sad. Then many little miracles happened. And Faith, the bicycle arrived on my birthday. It was perfect, far more perfect than the previous bicycle I had set my heart on. And as if God had had a hand in the whole thing, Faith was ready exactly on my birthday.

Faith, the bicycle, was only possible, is only beautiful because she reminds me of what it means to give and to obey totally, sacrificially and abandonedly. I read today, that no material possession is worth sacrificing the display of God's grace. In God's world, there is no room for a desperate attachment to things, and when given the opportunity to show what is really important to us, we must take it. Things, offer us nothing we don't already have. There comes a time where we must decide which is more important to us, a defense of our possessions on earth or a hope in our eternal treasures in heaven.

It made me think, do I value my possessions more than God's way? Do I really live and behave in a way that shows I believe God supplies more than I need?

That email brought to my mind the pain involved in having to give something I wanted up. My eyes soured at the memory of it. I thought of how God turned the whole situation around for me and blessed me with the love of friends and family and their very sweet gesture, I thought about what the stranger wrote to me about his friend being impacted by that whole ordeal and then suddenly... I just didn't want to buy anything anymore.

Days before my birthday, I found a place which straightens hair for a third of the market price. I had planned to do it, after being tired of having my hair made fun of, then after reading that article, thought to myself it was really silly and unecessary to do so. Do I really need a trisuit? Do I really need straight hair. Silly girl.

You know, if you add up all of Faith's parts, she actually is quite expensive. That sobered me, because although she is a beautiful gift, it made me think about how this would affect my choices in future. Would I want even more things, or would this blessing teach me to be even more thankful for what I have.

You won't believe this, but right about 2 paragraphs before this point while I'm blogging, my swim coach/ elder brother/friend whom I affectionately call "Huncle" (think a mishmash of Hunk and Uncle because he really is quite a hulk) calls me to tell me he wants to meet me at the train station. And just about 20 minutes ago, gave me that exact trisuit I had tried on that day. I had put it under reservation, and he'd gone to get it for me.

I feel like I'm having my birthday all week. I get the message, God. I really do.

You win, God, you win. You expect all, only because you give all. The biggest lesson I'm learning, is no matter how much we have, and how much we are blessed, in God's world, there is no room to be attached to possessions.

Faith, the bicycle, reminds me, that instead of being a symbol of extravagance, it really is a symbol of God's provision and sufficiency when we dare to give all and set our eyes heavenward. Faith is beautiful, but at the end of the day, it is still what it is- a possession, a chunk of metal, something which will fade away with the things of this world. Things may come under our stewardship, but our eyes must always have that faraway glimmer in them, always looking not at the visible, and not at our possessions, but at the invisible, the divine, and the things which truly matter in this world.

" Turn away mine eyes from beholding vanity;

and quicken thou me in thy way."

-Psalm 119:37

"Examine the relationship between your faith and your way of life.

Are they consistent? Are God's words your driving force?

God will be God of all

or He will not be God at all."

-One Year At His Feet Devotional by Chris Tiegreen,

24 February

* Wai Jia had the most wonderful birthday gathering this year and wants to thank you all for making it very special for her. Grandpa Zhou also had a ball of a time. She will write about it soon.

Desi Rachna Shah at Masterpieces event

You made my day.

I was rather nervous.

Today was the day Faith was ready for me to have a bike fit. This means one finally gets on the bike to custom-fit it according to one's anatomy. As I took in the reality of finally being able to see her, I started to think about what owning something expensive meant. Would it change me. What did it mean.


Just as I mulled over that thought, I received an email from a stranger. He wanted to donate all the auspicious hongbao or red-packet money he had received over the Chinese New Year to whatever cause I was supporting. (Red packet money is money unmarried people receive from older relatives, as a form of blessing for the new lunar year.)

Hi Wai Jia,

You do not know me but perhaps you know my girlfriend, J. I mentioned to her that I wanted to donate my hongbao money somewhere this year and she suggested I look you up...

He went on to share with me the story of how his friend who wanted to spend money buying two musical instruments for himself had been impacted and challenged by what God had told me to do for Alisha. It was then that tears started to roll down my cheeks, because I knew deep down inside, that it wasn't me who gave the money up, but the power of God working in my heart. I wouldn't have had the strength otherwise.

Suddenly, I remembered the pain that sacrifice involved, and caught a glimpse of the extent of the sacrifice God made for us when He had to give up what was most precious to Him simply because of His love for us.

Therefore, I am moved to contribute money to your cause. My commitment this year is to donate all of the hongbao money that I receive. As part of my commitment, I have not yet opened up the hongbaos so I will not be tempted to keep it for myself. So I actually do not know how much I am donating, but I trust that what ever the amount, it will go some way in helping someone.

This is the first time anyone has written to me for a request such as this. I am amazed, moved and incredibly inspired, too.

Thank you for your trust, for reminding me of what it means to give and to give sacrificially. Thank you for making my birthday week extra special. You have made a difference in my life, too.

God is no man's debtor. Just remember that.

"As he looked up, God saw the rich putting their gifts into the temple treasury.

He also saw a poor widow put in two very small copper coins.

"I tell you the truth," he said,

"this poor widow has put in more than all the others.

All these people gave their gifts out of their wealth;

but she out of her poverty put in all she had to live on."

-Like 21:1-4

Finding Faith.

Ever since I could remember, I have always wanted to write and illustrate books. When I was four, I made storybooks from string, paper and crayon.

It's like waiting foolishly for a rainbow underneath the darkest raincloud, with nothing but the pelting onslaught to mock you for your stupidity.

Have you ever had a dream that you thought might never come true? Even though you felt God had promised you so?

When Kitesong was published to raise funds for needy children in Nepal, I remember very clearly being very stunned. I remember, that it started off as a naive, foolish idea. My closest loved ones, fearing I would have my tall dreams shattered at too young an age, advised me, "No one will read a book written by an 18 year-old. Wait till you graduate."

But then, I met people who dared to take risks, people who believed in a God who had a penchant for using those with blind faith, people who gave me a chance. I met my publisher, and then my life was never the same again.

"Faith, is being sure of what you hope for, and certain of what you do not see."- Hebrews 11:1. I had nothing but that promise to hang on to for hope.

After I saw how real God was, saw the 6-figure sum raised from the book, and finally, saw the children move into the new orphanage last August, I told myself, that we can doubt ourselves, but never the power of prayer, of faith, and of God.

Today, my rainbow came true.

Four years ago, I fell prey to the biggest illness in my life. Ill for 2 whole years, life was... excruciating. Two and a half years ago, I wrote my 2nd book called A Taste of Rainbow, a book about faith and courage to seek help, about my recovery, praying that it would be used to raise awareness for people with depression and Ed. I prayed. I knocked on doors. I did every conceivable thing to push the project forward. But nothing happened.

Why God, why? I still remember that day. I had finished the first draft of the book when I saw a rainbow in the sky. That rainbow was all I held onto, as I prayed continually and persistently for the fruition of this book.

For almost three years, nothing happened. Or so it seemed.

Three years was what it took for God to break, build and mould me. I remember, on my knees in tears at church one day, someone came to tell me, "You aren't in the season of bearing fruit yet because there is still a season of Pain you have yet to walk through. No fruit will be borne- yet. But when it does, it will be on schedule, in God's time, and you will be so amazed. You will be so amazed."

God has His timing.

Three years later, finally healthy and relapse-free, just 2 days before my birthday, my rainbow -finally- came through.

Today is a special day. The team from the General Hospital, representatives from 2 established foundations and my publisher came to meet me. There were 7 of us around the table, and each of them wanted to support A Taste of Rainbow. Each of them are powerhouses in their own communities, each of them a person with a heart of gold to help and impact their world around them.

"We truly believe in its cause."

"It'll be fully funded."

"Our hope is to help as many people too, Wai Jia. Just call whenever you're ready."

Whenever I was ready. They said, I could tell them whenever I was ready, and it would be published.

"Faith, is being sure of what you hope for, and certain of what you do not see."- Hebrews 11:1. Those words are the first page of the book.

It amazed me to know that on the day that happened, my roadbike (its model really is called Faith) was built too. Today, J and I walked past the bicycle shop 2 minutes from home, even though it had closed, and looked at Faith in the showcase from afar. My wheelset is still not shipped in yet, so she lent me her wheels.

Just like how A Taste of Rainbow took time to come to fruition, my roadbicycle needed time to be built too. I learnt, that faith is like that, it cannot be rushed.

Just like how A Taste of Rainbow is being supported by so many organisations and people because it really is a large-scale project, my roadbicycle needs J's wheels and my friend, Batman's seatpost, to be complete too. I learnt, that very often, we need one another to build up our faith.

Just like how A Taste of Rainbow was inspired from heaven, my roadbicycle, too, was a divine blessing. I learnt, that truly, the world can mock us in our agony for our naivete, but faith- not in ourselves but in something more divine, something bigger out there- never disappoints.

Just before we left, my publisher passed me the draft of my 3rd book. "I like it. I really like this one. We just need to find a vehicle for it. "

This birthday, will truly be one of the most memorable ones.

Thank you all, and thank you God- for making dreams come true, and for helping me Find Faith.

* with Special thanks to EK and Aunty An, for the birthday gift,

and for giving me a chance to write and paint,

like I have always dreamed of doing

since I could hold a pencil.

Birthday Wish.

I never quite understood how people could wake up one morning discovering they had become someone they didn't know. I mean, weren't you always in your own skin? Don't we look at ourselves in the mirror daily?

As I turn 23, look back on the person I used to be, have become and am becoming, I think I finally understand a little of what that means.

2 weeks into my Ophthalmology elective and being exposed to the glamorous, luxurious life of rich and powerful doctors, I find my flesh, occasionally, gravitating towards that magnetic charm of the life a high-flying doctor could have. One's worldly eye becomes drawn to the high technology, the comfortable lifestyle and the power to buy worldly possessions. Suddenly, I understood how day in day out, this materialism could rub off on you. Suddenly, I understood how one could be sucked into a vortex of covetousness and greed, and conform to one's surroundings.

I learnt, how it is not only possible, but perhaps even very likely I could become someone I vowed I never even would dream of becoming. I realised, that unless one makes a conscientious everyday effort to swim against the grain of the norm, one could easily wake up one day not recognising the man or woman in the mirror.

3 days before collecting my new roadbike, Faith, (the one my friends' bought for me behind my back and which my parents helped to bring to completion), I found myself strangely disturbed. How did I end up owning something so expensive? With more time spent riding, would I become self-absorbed, spending less time doing community work and loving the weak and the poor? What does this mean- have I become superficial and materialistic? Although God had allowed a twist of events to occur to assure me of His divine intervention to bless me with Faith, I also began to see how it could stumble, distract and ruin me.

I learnt, how it is not only possible, but perhaps even very likely I could become someone selfish, materialistic and spoilt. I realised, that unless I continually looked intently at my actions, consecrated every ride and every purchase to God, and put my personal faith into action, I could easily become fast, self-centred, extravagant and conceited.

4 days before my birthday, I found myself pensive. Am I becoming the person I wanted to be when I was little?

I am afraid, of how medicine, and materialism might roll me under. I am afraid, of forgetting about missions and the true meaning of medicine.

Nonetheless, there is hope.

On the second day of my Ophthalmology posting, I bumped into Zhang Qing at the hospital. As coincidence or divine appointment would have had it, her doctor was my personal mentor.

Zhang Qing is a 20-year old girl from China who had acid poured all over face by her elder sister's boyfriend when she was 14 years old. She has only one eye- where the other eye should have been, is a pore oozing with a little pus. Her only eye is now almost blind. She has two-thirds of a nose, a crooked mouth, and a face mostly made up of large overlapping keloids. She comes to Singapore once every few months because Dr. Tan LY, a well-known Singaporean missionary doctor, flies her in ever so frequently for hospital checkups. Because of him, funds could be raised for her multiple operations to save her skin, face and eyes. Because of him, she came to know God, accept her plight and walk bravely on with life. Because of God and him, she has new hope for her future.

For my birthday this wednesday, I invited a large group of friends to my place. Then, we will be selling beautifully handcrafted cloth flowers Zhang Qing made to raise funds for her. Even in her situation, she has hopes to raise money for not only herself, but for needy victims at the Rahabilitation Centre back in Kunming, China. Dr. Tan has been such a great support to her and many other needy patients from forgotten places in the world.

In Dr. Tan, I see the kind of doctor I would like to be.

I remember, Zhang Qing grasped my hands that day and prayed aloud for me in mandarin, "Dear God, I pray that you will help Wai Jia be the best eye doctor she can ever be. Help her to help a multitude of people."

I learnt, that whatever I have learnt, and am learning now about life and missions, God and the poor, I must put into action. Unless faith translates into deed, it is only but head knowledge, utterly useless to the world.

Yesterday as my training buddies and I were training, I biked at the fastest speed I had ever biked before. It would be my last ride with my current bike before Faith comes. Uncle J came up to me and chuckled, "If you're so fast now on a 7-speed bike, you'll be soaring with wings like eagles on your new 10-speed bike! You'll run and not be weak!" I laughed at his amusing biblical allegory, before quoting a biblical scripture in return, "Ah, but pride comes before a fall."
I was reminded, that unless our values and faith are put into action, they are but like a stationary bicycle, useless. Unless one rides Faith and pedals it hard, Faith is only but a chunk of aluminium.

Faith, must be exercised. Excuse the pun.

Uncle J was one of those who had helped me improve greatly. Even though he was in the fastest pack and always had a huge race to train for, he always watched my back, always encouraged me, always slowed down to look after me, even if the rest of the pack had zoomed off and I was the only one left behind. He was one of the main conspirers who had suggested the idea to get me a new roadbike behind my back and brought Faith to completion. Today, for the first time, I overtook him. He was pleased.

I text messaged him to thank him for being such a big blessing to me, for teaching me to be more generous with my time and money, as he had done for me, and even more so when my new bike comes.

" One of life's greatest joys is to help another. If you feel blessed, I guess I have done my part," was his reply.

In Uncle J, I see the kind of training buddy and sportsperson I hope to become.

5 nights ago as I sat down with Grandpa Zhou and he gave me a gold packet as a tradition for the Chinese New Year, he wrote on it an elegant couplet he had thought of. In essence, it meant that he thought I was someone who helped others and had a heart like God's.

At that moment I wanted to cry, not as much because I was touched as much as it was because I knew how terribly far it was from the truth. Didn't he know I got angry and impatient with people, patients too? Didn't he know I was proud and full of myself at times, especially when I was busy? Didn't he know that sometimes being a medical student gets into my head? Did he not know that once upon a time I despised and was scornful of him too?

And so, this birthday, my prayer is to be able to wake up each morning knowing the person under my skin, and the face in the mirrow. I pray, that that person would become a doctor not of wealth and power, but of simplicity and humility, a sportsperson not of pride and conceit, but of grace and consideration for the weak, and a person, not of malice and covetousness but one of faith, hope and love.

I pray that like my new bicycle, Faith, which will come soon, my faith, too, may be used, translated and exercised, powerfully and purposefully, to bless the people around me.

That is my birthday wish this year.

"Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves.

Do what it says.

Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says

is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and,

after looking at himself, goes away and

immediately forgets what he looks like.

But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom,

and continues to do this,

not forgetting what he has heard,

but doing it—

he will be blessed in what he does."

-James 1:22-25

Why I Love my Sunday School kids.

"JIEJIE (big sister) WAI JIA, HOW OLD ARE YOU?"

"Twenty-two. And turning twenty-three this Wednesday."

"HUH? REAAALLEEEE? I thought you were MUCH YOUNGER."

I laugh. "Like how old?"

"Like... LIKE TEN YEARS OLD!!!"

So, antioxidants do have their benefits.

Brazilian Model Nana Gouveia Shows Off In Bikini

Brazilian model and actress Nana Gouveia was spotted showing off her sexy bikini body @ the Pepe beach, west area of Rio de Janeiro.

Finding My Half.

It's not everyday one reads an article in the newspaper that leaves one changed, never the same.

There was an article in The Sunday Times last week written by Nicholas D. Kristof from The New York Times: Kevin Salwen, a writer and entrepreneur in Atlanta, was driving his 14-year old daughter, Hannah, back from a sleepover in 2006. While waiting at a traffic light, they saw a black Mercedes coupe on one side and a homeless man begging for food on the other.

"Dad, if that man had a less nice car, that man there could have a meal," Hannah protested. The light changed and they moved on, but Hannah was too young to be reasonable. She pestered her parents about inequity, insisting that she wanted to do something.

"What do you want to do?" her mum responded. "Sell our house?"

And sell the house they did. Selling their luxurious family home, they donated half the proceeds to charity and used the other half to buy a more modest replacement home. The crazy, impetuous and inspiring project is chronicled in a book due to be published, entitled The Power of Half.

The family eventually pledged US$800'000 to sponsor health, microfinancing, food and other programmes for about 40 villages in Ghana. Hannah, a high-school junior hoping to become a nurse, says, " Everyone has too much of something, whether it's time, talent or treasure. Everyone does have their own half, you just have to find it."

The article brought me many months back when God made it very plain and clear that I'd to give Alisha the money meant for the new roadbike I had been praying and yearning for. It helped me to see how our wants can cost someone else their need; It taught me, that loving God and people requires sacrifice at times; More importantly, the article challenged me to consider, that our characters may be judged not only by what we give away, but also, by what we have and keep.

My new bike, called Faith, is finally coming. The adaptor finally came. And though we're still waiting for the wheels to be shipped in, my dear friend has decided to lend me hers in the meantime so Faith can be ready by my birthday next week. Over Chinese New Year, we have been buying many things, shopping around for affordable parts to build Faith from scratch. If it had not been for the fact that my friends bought the bike frame for me, and my parents were so touched by their gesture that they insisted on paying for the rest of it instead of allowing my friends to donate their bike parts to me, I think it would have been utter agony trying to buy a bicycle for myself.

These wheels could buy an orphanage a television set. The groupset/gears could sponsor five African children's education for a year. The installation cost could buy 30 kids a meal they would never forget. Reality is stark, even in our society of instant gratification.

I have been lucky. Blessed beyond words. Some days I wake up knowing I deserve none of it, and that the day will come where I start working and can no longer rest in the luxury of daddy's pampering. There will come a day where nothing but conscience and the steel of will would stand in the way of myself and an extra pedicure, a more expensive piece of clothing, a better bike. There will come a day I can no longer rest in blissful ignorance, and will have to make choices against my natural will. And that would be the true test of character.

Would I have the heart to find my half to give away?

I am glad God worked things out, bringing me back to Ophthalmology in a roundabout way. I know, if it had not been so, I would forever despise myself and doubt my sincerity for the subject. Now, I finally see my genuine love for it, though the glamour factor, the comfort and the prestige of the specialty will forever remain a potential snare, and an evil temptation. Even the doctors themselves admit this specialty is a particularly worldly one.

Someday, I would make my own money. Chances are, if I do surgery which I love, I may even have more than I require. But perhaps, it is not how much I make, but how much I give away that determines my standing with God. Perhaps, it is not even how much I give away, but what I keep for myself that does so.

And it humbles me to know that God is teaching me about these things, even now, so I understand the meaning of prudence, self-control and gratitude. I have been challenged of late to look at not only what I give away, but what I buy, consume and own.

It has been, to say the least, sobering.

Do I really need a tri-suit to take part in a triathlon. Do I really need those more expensive wheels to match the rest of my bike. Do I really need to spend money going overseas to study, or is there a genuine purpose behind it?

I have just been thinking.

So that someday, when God calls me to sell my house or give to the poor, or take in children, and give my bike away, it would be a little bit easier, and less difficult, maybe, to find my half to give away.

What is your half?

"Do not be afraid when one becomes rich,

When the glory of his house is increased;

For when he dies he shall carry nothing away..."

-Psalm 49:16-17

"Men of high degree are a lie;

If they are weighed on the scales,

They are altogether lighter than vapor...

If riches increase,

Do not set your heart on them."

- Psalm 61: 9-10

Carmen Electra Cleavage In Black Dress

Hansika Motwani Sexy Thigh Show In Mini Dress at Function

Kashmira Shah Bathing In Bikini Uncut Video

John tery wife, Toni Poole looked chic in a black bikini

.

Love-cheat John Terry flew out to Dubai today for a Valentine's weekend showdown with his wife Toni.

The footballer left London's Heathrow airport this morning to fly to the Gulf state for a heart-to-heart discussion with his 28-year-old wife.

But his mood will not be great after he endured a stinker in last night's defeat at Everton - a potentially crucial slip-up in the Premiership title race.
The sight of his three-year-old twins Summer Rose and Georgie John should give him a lift, however.

Terry has not seen them since his wife fled to Dubai on January 29 after revelations of Terry's affair with Vanessa Perroncel, a French model who has a child with former Chelsea player Wayne Bridge - and they have apparently been asking when Daddy is due to arrive.

An onlooker at the hotel where Toni is staying with the girls told The Sun: 'Summer Rose was crying her eyes out, the poor mite. I heard Toni say, "Don't worry, Daddy's coming tomorrow".

'She seemed to cheer up when she heard that. Despite everything that has happened they must be missing him so much.'

Terry was photographed clutching a customised washbag featuring a photograph of him with one of his daughters as he left the Malmaison hotel in Liverpool yesterday for the Chelsea match.

The 29-year-old, who was sacked as England captain last week over revelations of the affair, has been allowed to miss Chelsea's weekend FA Cup tie against Cardiff and given compassionate leave to fly to Dubai.

Chelsea assistant manager Ray Wilkins said Terry had discussed taking a break from club duties with manager Carlo Ancelotti.
He said: 'He will not play this weekend. Carlo is giving him a bit of time off.

'He will come back and prepare for our game against Wolves on the 20th.

'They just had a little chat, John and Carlo, and decided that would be the best for all concerned.'

Marissa Miller took part in the Super Bowl festivities in Miami

.

As a lingerie model for Victoria's Secret, Marisa Miller must be used to strutting her stuff wearing very little.

But it's safe to say she did not imagine she would be showing it all off at a celebrity American flag football match.

Thanks to actor Tom Arnold and his enthusiastic tackles, however, that is exactly what happened.

Tom Arnold tackles Marisa Miller, pulling down her leggings to reveal her bottom during a celebrity American football game on Miami Beach

The Victoria's Secret model laughed as Tom Arnold went in for the kill

The former husband of comedienne Roseanne Barr accidentally caught Miss Miller's leggings as he made a dive for one of the flags she was wearing around her waist.

The memorable tackle came during the Super Bowl festivities in Miami on Saturday.

And by the looks of things, it would seem that Miss Miller doesn't wear Victoria's Secret underwear outside of work.

'All of a sudden this big, sweaty guy was on top of me,' Miss Miller, who won Most Valuable Player, lamented after the game.

Mr Arnold seemed to deliberately target Miss Miller's jogging bottoms, but the supermodel saw the funny side.

Celebrities including Jennifer Lopez, Taylor Lautner, Brian McKnight and Olivia Munn competed in the no-holds-barred game during the Super Bowl festivities in Miami on Saturday.

Near miss: Marissa fends off Arnold during the game. In flag football the opponent has to grab the tags worn around the waist

Miss Miller, who won Most Valuable Player, readjusts her leggings after the wardrobe malfunction

Girl stars Chace Crawford, Ed Westwick and Jessica Szhor also got in on the action.

The match, DIRECTTV's Fourth Annual Celebrity Beach Bowl, was played in front of thousands of screaming fans.

The teams were coached by quarterback Mark Sanchez of the NY Jets and NY Giants quarterback Eli Manning.

And while Miss Miller certainly appeared to be in shape, she told Fox News that she’s gained weight since the famous Victoria’s Secret Runway Show in November.

Ed Westwick and Jessica Szohr watch on as the no-holds-barred game unfolds during the Super Bowl festivities in Miami on Saturday

Yi Qi Ke Fu. (edited)

"No, I've made up my mind. My answer is no."

"But if you change your mind, let me know, okay?" He tucked his face under his tattered blue cap.

I remember being disappointed when I heard his reply.

I said in mandarin, "Think about it, Grandpa Zhou. For my sake."

I had summoned all my persuasive skills and faculties of reasoning to no avail. He was immoveable. I was persistent, trying to persuade him from different angles when I realised there comes a point where we all have to respect someone else's decision, even if we might not agree with it.

My 23rd birthday is coming, and I would be combining the usual christian fellowship gathering we organise regularly in my batch with my birthday. I intended to invite friends over to my place for dinner and wanted Grandpa Zhou to join us, too. "Come sing a song for us, play your favorite song on your harmonica. It would mean a lot for me to have you join us on my birthday."

I saw his eyes light up with delight and intrigue- how he loves a good audience. If I had not, I would not have been so persistent. But he changed his mind quickly and radically when he realised what I was inviting him to.

"It's your home," he said very cautiously, "... and there'll be your friends. Your doctor friends. I... I don't belong there. You don't understand, your world and mine are so different. Ren jia de Yan Guang he ni de yan guang shi bu yi yang de."

Yan Guang. Those two mandarin words stuck in my head for a long time. Yan literally means eye, while guang literally means light. Taken together, yan guang refers to the attitude and glance of other people, typically used to describe the condescending eye of other people. He was trying to tell me that the way other people viewed him was different from the way I looked at him, and he wouldn't be able to bear it.

"Wo hen ZI BEI."

Zi bei. It refers to having an inferiority complex.

"You don't understand, I have very low self-esteem. Your friends might not see me the way you do. My world and yours are so different. Ren jia de Yan Guang he ni de yan guang shi bu yi yang de."

Yan guang. He used those two words again, and shifted his gaze away from me, tucking his chin underneath his tattered blue hat.

I didn't realise, just how much the marginalised value being accepted in our world. Respect, to them is a foreign word.

"Grandpa Zhou, have you heard of the word Overcome? Ke Fu? Look, I want you to overcome this inferiority complex of yours. Who's looking down on you, Grandpa Zhou? God doesn't, I don't. And I most certainly think the friends I'll be inviting won't either. Don't keep saying people look down on you because of your poor background-we've been through this before."

I paused, then became sullen. " You won't believe me, but the fact is... there're people who look down on me too... people who give me strange looks and say cruel things to me. People will look down on one another no matter what one's standing is-it's... ... just the reality of life. People around me... sometimes say condescending things to me... But as long as we have right standing in God's eyes, why should it matter... right? In God, we can overcome all things together-Yi Qi Ke Fu. And through this, I want to you to trust Him that He can make you an Overcomer. You don't have to do it alone. You are precious in God's eyes.

Wo men yi qi Ke Fu." That means-We can overcome this together.

I scrawled my birthday gathering details on a piece of paper for him, with the words Yi Qi Ke Fu- We Overcome Together.

"No. My final answer is no. You don't understand. Wo hen Zi Bei." I have an inferiority complex.

"It's okay, Grandpa Zhou, I won't force you. But if you change your mind, let me know."

He passed me his stack of receipts for his glaucoma and prostate medical appointments, just so I know where my money went, and gave me the only photo a church volunteer had given him of the Christmas gathering last year. "I only have one, just want you to have it."

Behind the photo were the words, " For granddaughter Wai Jia. Victory Family Centre Christmas gathering. From Grandpa Zhou."

How precious. "Bye, Grandpa Zhou. And you let me know if you change your mind."

The army boy (once a stranger reading this space and now a friend) had referred his Uncle D, a man with a big heart, to me so that he could render Grandpa Zhou some help with his medical fees. Uncle D told me to arrange dinner with Grandpa Zhou so he could better assess his situation and decide on how he could help him.

Today, I went up to Grandpa Zhou again. "Grandpa Zhou, can I buy you dinner next week? Outside of my home, and not with a crowd so you don't feel zi bei (inferior)- that okay?"

He paused, then took out that scrap of paper which I had given to him a few days ago.

On it was written in beautiful chinese calligraphy:

"Grandpa Zhou has thought it through already.

I have overcome, and have decided,

not to be bothered with other people's opinions of me

or their Yan Guang (condescending eye),

As long as Wai Jia is happy,

I'm happy too."

" Zhi yao ni kai xin. "

It means: As long as you're happy.

He went on to say, " You've done so much for me, and I thought it through. It would be really selfish of me not to attend your birthday gathering. I just have one request- I know you'll be very busy hosting your friends that day, but just put me with some people who can speak mandarin, or dialect okay? So I'll have someone to talk to. Yeah, I will overcome. As long as you're happy." He beamed. He was really excited now. "Yes, I really want to do it!"

Hug.

At that moment of feeling touched and delighted and amazed at the same time, I learnt, that we all have many fears, mostly the fear of men and what other people think of us, but when we put ourselves before God and the people who matter to us, we then realise, that happiness really is simple, freedom really is easy- because we're not alone to overcome our inner battles.

Wo men yi qi Ke Fu. We Overcome Together. By example of his courage, Grandpa Zhou taught me to overcome my own fears too-that of feeling small because of the opinions and words of others.

"Thank you Grandpa Zhou, I don't know what to say."

"I'll surprise you on your birthday. I've 2 songs I want to sing for you. See you then, okay?"

"No, in all these things we are more than conquerors

through Him who loved us. "

- Romans 8:37