Yi Qi Ke Fu. (edited)

"No, I've made up my mind. My answer is no."

"But if you change your mind, let me know, okay?" He tucked his face under his tattered blue cap.

I remember being disappointed when I heard his reply.

I said in mandarin, "Think about it, Grandpa Zhou. For my sake."

I had summoned all my persuasive skills and faculties of reasoning to no avail. He was immoveable. I was persistent, trying to persuade him from different angles when I realised there comes a point where we all have to respect someone else's decision, even if we might not agree with it.

My 23rd birthday is coming, and I would be combining the usual christian fellowship gathering we organise regularly in my batch with my birthday. I intended to invite friends over to my place for dinner and wanted Grandpa Zhou to join us, too. "Come sing a song for us, play your favorite song on your harmonica. It would mean a lot for me to have you join us on my birthday."

I saw his eyes light up with delight and intrigue- how he loves a good audience. If I had not, I would not have been so persistent. But he changed his mind quickly and radically when he realised what I was inviting him to.

"It's your home," he said very cautiously, "... and there'll be your friends. Your doctor friends. I... I don't belong there. You don't understand, your world and mine are so different. Ren jia de Yan Guang he ni de yan guang shi bu yi yang de."

Yan Guang. Those two mandarin words stuck in my head for a long time. Yan literally means eye, while guang literally means light. Taken together, yan guang refers to the attitude and glance of other people, typically used to describe the condescending eye of other people. He was trying to tell me that the way other people viewed him was different from the way I looked at him, and he wouldn't be able to bear it.

"Wo hen ZI BEI."

Zi bei. It refers to having an inferiority complex.

"You don't understand, I have very low self-esteem. Your friends might not see me the way you do. My world and yours are so different. Ren jia de Yan Guang he ni de yan guang shi bu yi yang de."

Yan guang. He used those two words again, and shifted his gaze away from me, tucking his chin underneath his tattered blue hat.

I didn't realise, just how much the marginalised value being accepted in our world. Respect, to them is a foreign word.

"Grandpa Zhou, have you heard of the word Overcome? Ke Fu? Look, I want you to overcome this inferiority complex of yours. Who's looking down on you, Grandpa Zhou? God doesn't, I don't. And I most certainly think the friends I'll be inviting won't either. Don't keep saying people look down on you because of your poor background-we've been through this before."

I paused, then became sullen. " You won't believe me, but the fact is... there're people who look down on me too... people who give me strange looks and say cruel things to me. People will look down on one another no matter what one's standing is-it's... ... just the reality of life. People around me... sometimes say condescending things to me... But as long as we have right standing in God's eyes, why should it matter... right? In God, we can overcome all things together-Yi Qi Ke Fu. And through this, I want to you to trust Him that He can make you an Overcomer. You don't have to do it alone. You are precious in God's eyes.

Wo men yi qi Ke Fu." That means-We can overcome this together.

I scrawled my birthday gathering details on a piece of paper for him, with the words Yi Qi Ke Fu- We Overcome Together.

"No. My final answer is no. You don't understand. Wo hen Zi Bei." I have an inferiority complex.

"It's okay, Grandpa Zhou, I won't force you. But if you change your mind, let me know."

He passed me his stack of receipts for his glaucoma and prostate medical appointments, just so I know where my money went, and gave me the only photo a church volunteer had given him of the Christmas gathering last year. "I only have one, just want you to have it."

Behind the photo were the words, " For granddaughter Wai Jia. Victory Family Centre Christmas gathering. From Grandpa Zhou."

How precious. "Bye, Grandpa Zhou. And you let me know if you change your mind."

The army boy (once a stranger reading this space and now a friend) had referred his Uncle D, a man with a big heart, to me so that he could render Grandpa Zhou some help with his medical fees. Uncle D told me to arrange dinner with Grandpa Zhou so he could better assess his situation and decide on how he could help him.

Today, I went up to Grandpa Zhou again. "Grandpa Zhou, can I buy you dinner next week? Outside of my home, and not with a crowd so you don't feel zi bei (inferior)- that okay?"

He paused, then took out that scrap of paper which I had given to him a few days ago.

On it was written in beautiful chinese calligraphy:

"Grandpa Zhou has thought it through already.

I have overcome, and have decided,

not to be bothered with other people's opinions of me

or their Yan Guang (condescending eye),

As long as Wai Jia is happy,

I'm happy too."

" Zhi yao ni kai xin. "

It means: As long as you're happy.

He went on to say, " You've done so much for me, and I thought it through. It would be really selfish of me not to attend your birthday gathering. I just have one request- I know you'll be very busy hosting your friends that day, but just put me with some people who can speak mandarin, or dialect okay? So I'll have someone to talk to. Yeah, I will overcome. As long as you're happy." He beamed. He was really excited now. "Yes, I really want to do it!"

Hug.

At that moment of feeling touched and delighted and amazed at the same time, I learnt, that we all have many fears, mostly the fear of men and what other people think of us, but when we put ourselves before God and the people who matter to us, we then realise, that happiness really is simple, freedom really is easy- because we're not alone to overcome our inner battles.

Wo men yi qi Ke Fu. We Overcome Together. By example of his courage, Grandpa Zhou taught me to overcome my own fears too-that of feeling small because of the opinions and words of others.

"Thank you Grandpa Zhou, I don't know what to say."

"I'll surprise you on your birthday. I've 2 songs I want to sing for you. See you then, okay?"

"No, in all these things we are more than conquerors

through Him who loved us. "

- Romans 8:37