* Wai Jia would like to thank you for all your support and encouragement, prayer and love for her book launch which went super yesterday. Thank you for the thoughtful gifts you brought for her. She will share more about the launch soon. But in the meantime, a reflection from the happenings of last week:
Was that a threat?
Looking back, so it was.
My publisher had warned me about the media before. With stories in their hands, things can go both ways- depending on whether they put a positive or negative spin to them. I always took that with a pinch of salt. This time, I saw the ugliness for myself.
Last Thursday, I turned 24. I was looking forward to an interview regarding my next book covered by an important paper which had been organised in advance. Little did I expect the experience which unfolded.
As soon as the interview started, it started to pour.
A doctor and a counsellor sat in with me. They were there to filter out inappropriate or over-personal questions. One thing which had been emphasized to me was not to reveal information regarding my specific weight and height, from then till now, and to avoid giving examples of anorexic habits. Over the years through the media, these information, unfortunately, had a negative effect on the public-at-large, as this negative publicity inadvertently "taught" young girls how to do it. These publicised weights and heights quoted on paper could also be detrimental to those already struggling.
I agreed.
Something was wrong. For some reason, I was very uncomfortable through the entire interview. I have entertained interviews from newspapers, television and radio stations- none left me feeling the way I did on that cold, dreary day.
It was the tone of the interview, the way I was shot personal question after personal question about my eating behaviours when I was ill, with little consideration to how I might have felt. I understood the importance of being open with my story and had done so with the previous interview, but was shocked by the dogged persistence of the reporter in knowing my exact weight during my sickness.
We explained that the number, for the sake of the general public, should not be disclosed. Focusing on the weight, would in fact, compound the misconception that anorexia and weight was about numbers-they aren't. In fact, people need not be very thin to be anorexic, since everybody's baseline is different to begin with. Eating disorders are about the complex emotional, psychological and physical well-being of the person. In today's day and age, using the Body Mass Index as a guide is far more useful and healthy, since weights and numbers only further compound the myth that less is better.
"We can share the BMI with you."
But she pushed further. It would be harmful, we maintained. "I'm sorry I'm not able to comment on the exact number," I said again. " But this was my BMI then. We have to be very careful about conveying the right information. During the radio interview I had last week, the talkshow host asked the same question- but used the opportunity to educate the public instead, that such figures were sensitive and may have negative consequences. This project aims to help people, not harm them. I'm sorry to put you in a spot."
" We can't run your story unless we have your weight. BMI is not good enough."
"Perhaps you could write about..."
I had scarcely finished my sentence when she snapped sharply, "You have no right to tell me what I can or cannot write!"
Shocked by her response and the loss of professional decorum, the rest of us in the room looked at one another in amazement.
It continued to pour outside. The focus of the interview was all about how sick I had been. She had made little effort to find out much more about the project, and it became obvious that this was an interview she had been assigned to, perhaps grudgingly. I had a sick feeling in my stomach. There was something about the methodical, hungry way the questions were asked and the choice of words used which made me uncomfortable. I felt used. I felt like part of an agenda I never asked to be a part of.
The skies outside were very grey. It was a grim day.
When the interview ended, I was quite shaken. They asked for a photoshoot. For some reason, because of the rain and lack of light, it was impossible to take a good shot.
That night, I was called and text messaged endlessly. What could have been a day of productive studying, or at least, a good time spent with friends became a game of table-tennis, pingponging calls from the middleman who had organised the interview and the reporter, pushing me to reveal my weight and height. It was almost ridiculous, to see how all this hoohah was centred on a number they so badly wanted.
"No weight, no story. But if you give an exact figure, it'll come out."
Was that a threat? Why was there such an obsession over the number?
I thought about it for a long time. I discussed it with the people involved and they were surprised by how my boundaries had not been respected. Another 3 hours passed as I was harangued continually. We weighed the cost. If we stood our ground, we would lose the media coverage for the book launch completely; but if we relented, we would definitely stand the chance. It was a tough choice. I sat down and prayed. God, what would you have me do? This project was used to help people, to harm them. Why did they not understand the sensitivities of such information?
She called again. "Can I just write X kg?"
"That's just plain inaccurate."
This was getting ludicrous. I had to make a choice.
3 hours later, after much discussion with everyone involved, I finally made the decision. "No, we're not disclosing the number. It's not helpful for people struggling," I said.
It was a matter of principle, as Dad would say. It was a matter of integrity. People will always pressurise us to conform to their standards and agendas, but I learnt, that when God asks us to make a stand for what is right, we must.
Later, I learnt, to my horror, that the story they had woven was a rather sensationalistic one, which would harm me. Feeling completely shaken, disappointed and drained that night, I cried to sleep. Now, nobody knew if the story would come out. They might still run it, and it was obvious by then that it would be a story to my detriment. I was angry with the reporter, and angry with the person who had organised this- in their eagerness for publicity and a "good story", they had lost sight of the bigger picture to help others in need.
Was that a threat?
Looking back, so it was.
My publisher had warned me about the media before. With stories in their hands, things can go both ways- depending on whether they put a positive or negative spin to them. I always took that with a pinch of salt. This time, I saw the ugliness for myself.
Last Thursday, I turned 24. I was looking forward to an interview regarding my next book covered by an important paper which had been organised in advance. Little did I expect the experience which unfolded.
As soon as the interview started, it started to pour.
A doctor and a counsellor sat in with me. They were there to filter out inappropriate or over-personal questions. One thing which had been emphasized to me was not to reveal information regarding my specific weight and height, from then till now, and to avoid giving examples of anorexic habits. Over the years through the media, these information, unfortunately, had a negative effect on the public-at-large, as this negative publicity inadvertently "taught" young girls how to do it. These publicised weights and heights quoted on paper could also be detrimental to those already struggling.
I agreed.
Something was wrong. For some reason, I was very uncomfortable through the entire interview. I have entertained interviews from newspapers, television and radio stations- none left me feeling the way I did on that cold, dreary day.
It was the tone of the interview, the way I was shot personal question after personal question about my eating behaviours when I was ill, with little consideration to how I might have felt. I understood the importance of being open with my story and had done so with the previous interview, but was shocked by the dogged persistence of the reporter in knowing my exact weight during my sickness.
We explained that the number, for the sake of the general public, should not be disclosed. Focusing on the weight, would in fact, compound the misconception that anorexia and weight was about numbers-they aren't. In fact, people need not be very thin to be anorexic, since everybody's baseline is different to begin with. Eating disorders are about the complex emotional, psychological and physical well-being of the person. In today's day and age, using the Body Mass Index as a guide is far more useful and healthy, since weights and numbers only further compound the myth that less is better.
"We can share the BMI with you."
But she pushed further. It would be harmful, we maintained. "I'm sorry I'm not able to comment on the exact number," I said again. " But this was my BMI then. We have to be very careful about conveying the right information. During the radio interview I had last week, the talkshow host asked the same question- but used the opportunity to educate the public instead, that such figures were sensitive and may have negative consequences. This project aims to help people, not harm them. I'm sorry to put you in a spot."
" We can't run your story unless we have your weight. BMI is not good enough."
"Perhaps you could write about..."
I had scarcely finished my sentence when she snapped sharply, "You have no right to tell me what I can or cannot write!"
Shocked by her response and the loss of professional decorum, the rest of us in the room looked at one another in amazement.
It continued to pour outside. The focus of the interview was all about how sick I had been. She had made little effort to find out much more about the project, and it became obvious that this was an interview she had been assigned to, perhaps grudgingly. I had a sick feeling in my stomach. There was something about the methodical, hungry way the questions were asked and the choice of words used which made me uncomfortable. I felt used. I felt like part of an agenda I never asked to be a part of.
The skies outside were very grey. It was a grim day.
When the interview ended, I was quite shaken. They asked for a photoshoot. For some reason, because of the rain and lack of light, it was impossible to take a good shot.
That night, I was called and text messaged endlessly. What could have been a day of productive studying, or at least, a good time spent with friends became a game of table-tennis, pingponging calls from the middleman who had organised the interview and the reporter, pushing me to reveal my weight and height. It was almost ridiculous, to see how all this hoohah was centred on a number they so badly wanted.
"No weight, no story. But if you give an exact figure, it'll come out."
Was that a threat? Why was there such an obsession over the number?
I thought about it for a long time. I discussed it with the people involved and they were surprised by how my boundaries had not been respected. Another 3 hours passed as I was harangued continually. We weighed the cost. If we stood our ground, we would lose the media coverage for the book launch completely; but if we relented, we would definitely stand the chance. It was a tough choice. I sat down and prayed. God, what would you have me do? This project was used to help people, to harm them. Why did they not understand the sensitivities of such information?
She called again. "Can I just write X kg?"
"That's just plain inaccurate."
This was getting ludicrous. I had to make a choice.
3 hours later, after much discussion with everyone involved, I finally made the decision. "No, we're not disclosing the number. It's not helpful for people struggling," I said.
It was a matter of principle, as Dad would say. It was a matter of integrity. People will always pressurise us to conform to their standards and agendas, but I learnt, that when God asks us to make a stand for what is right, we must.
Later, I learnt, to my horror, that the story they had woven was a rather sensationalistic one, which would harm me. Feeling completely shaken, disappointed and drained that night, I cried to sleep. Now, nobody knew if the story would come out. They might still run it, and it was obvious by then that it would be a story to my detriment. I was angry with the reporter, and angry with the person who had organised this- in their eagerness for publicity and a "good story", they had lost sight of the bigger picture to help others in need.
It's easy to say that it doesn't matter how people look at you as long as you stand right in God's eyes, but I have to confess, I was petrified that after all this hard work, Rainbow would be trodden down and my reputation would be at stake.
A friend encouraged me with a story from the bible. It was about a boy named Joseph, who was betrayed by his brothers. Jealous of him, they had sold him as a slave to Egypt and reported him dead to their father. But because Joseph was a righteous man in God's eyes, his life was preserved. Not only that, but he was raised to the position of KING.
On the day when his brothers discovered he was crowned king and fell at his feet in horror, he told them, "But as for me, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, in order to bring it about as it is this day, to save many people alive." -Gen 50:29-21
I read that over and over. That night, I dreamt of myself searching through the papers for the sensationalistic article the paper had written. I saw a huge hand from the sky reach into the papers to pluck it out for my protection.
The next day, nothing was published. They dropped the article because they didn't have that one number. Later, I learnt that it was very likely that they had already set their mind on the sensationalistic angle of the story, and it was a decision not to conform to their agenda because of a stand for integrity that saved Rainbow.
No publicity is better than bad publicity, my puslisher said. I agreed.
I learnt a crucial life lesson that day: that if you stand right in God's eyes, God will stand right beside you. No harm will come near to you if you make the stand for integrity.
A friend encouraged me with a story from the bible. It was about a boy named Joseph, who was betrayed by his brothers. Jealous of him, they had sold him as a slave to Egypt and reported him dead to their father. But because Joseph was a righteous man in God's eyes, his life was preserved. Not only that, but he was raised to the position of KING.
On the day when his brothers discovered he was crowned king and fell at his feet in horror, he told them, "But as for me, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, in order to bring it about as it is this day, to save many people alive." -Gen 50:29-21
I read that over and over. That night, I dreamt of myself searching through the papers for the sensationalistic article the paper had written. I saw a huge hand from the sky reach into the papers to pluck it out for my protection.
The next day, nothing was published. They dropped the article because they didn't have that one number. Later, I learnt that it was very likely that they had already set their mind on the sensationalistic angle of the story, and it was a decision not to conform to their agenda because of a stand for integrity that saved Rainbow.
No publicity is better than bad publicity, my puslisher said. I agreed.
I learnt a crucial life lesson that day: that if you stand right in God's eyes, God will stand right beside you. No harm will come near to you if you make the stand for integrity.
The next day, I received news of a talkshow and another magazine who wanted an interview- they were from good sources with genuine motives. I had another 3 yesterday. None were harmful.
A friend reminded me, "Wai Jia, God will always, always save the best for you."
So we need not worry.
Even though we missed what could have been a great opportunity to publicise the book launch, yesterday's turnout was greater than what anyone expected.
And because of that horrid experience last week, I am now no longer intimidated by reporters. I know, there'll be many more interviews to come. And I'm ready to take them on, even if I find out I have to reject them.
He makes all things well.
http://promisesofgod.tumblr.com/
Thank you all for your incredible support and love.
Please visit www.kitesong.sg/atasteofrainbow
to find out how you can help a loved one
or support the cause today.
"But as for me, you meant evil against me,
but God meant it for good,
in order to bring it about as it is this day,
to save many people alive."
-Gen 50:29-21
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