Waiting here.

It used to be so painful, this Waiting. An empty space between here and there, a dream and reality, my heart and Yours. An empty space pregnant with uncertainty. A prayerful but wordless, unanswered empty space.

It used to be a writhing, tormenting pain, bordering on unbearable.

When we were little, we were dying to grow up- "I WANT TO BE BIG!!" When we were bigger, we wanted to be bigger, still. When we are finally Big, we wonder how we ever crossed the empty space, and wonder if maybe, we could go back to the start?

When am I going to be a doctor. When am I going to become a missionary. When am I going to be whole and complete. When am I going to be brave enough to give part of my heart away to someone other than God, if ever. When am I going to Grow Up and become this terrifyingly beautiful idea of a Woman, whose shoes are so big I am afraid my feet may never be able to fill them. When is A Taste of Rainbow going to be published. Will it ever?

It is the waiting that kills, and suffocates. Not a strangulating kind of suffocation, but the kind that sits on your chest like a heavy barrel, the kind that presses onto you like a clear, hot day, leaving you oppressed and breathless with its cloudlessness.

An empty space between here and there,
a dream and reality,
my heart and Yours.

An empty space

pregnant with
uncertainty.
A wordless, prayerful, unanswered

empty space.

The Wait was so bad she could not sleep for several nights last week.

Today, at church, a cloud lifted and suddenly, the empty space was filled with colours and smells and life and Happy Things.

She is enjoying it now, this empty space. We are so used to running through it, desperate for the end. But she is enjoying it now, this empty space, swinging her legs on a swing from a cloud. Why the mad, mad rush for the end?

Today, she learned- Waiting isn’t a space between here and there, dream and reality, one heart and another's.

Waiting isn’t a space. It is a place. A place to be still, and exult in, so Time can make us ready for the Time ahead. If only we’d learn to be still, and patient, Faith fills the space with swings and Happy things, and really, it isn’t so unbearable after all. When the space is filled with faith, it becomes a place.

It is a nice place.