Steps represent hurdles, lessons and milestones- the little obstacles in our way which train us to be stronger. Being presented with a neverending flight of them always seems scary, but what is beautiful is that, when you look at each one, it is always, always manageable. Each step is a stepping stone to the next, and we needn't look too far into the future to scare ourselves. When we focus on the present, each step becomes all at once small, conquerable, altogether possible.
The thing about climbing steps is that- as long as you're willing to put one foot ahead of and above the other, you'll get higher, and reach where you want to be. Other people may help you by giving you a thrust, but ultimately, it's your own two legs that will have to take the upward climb. And even if a wicked one shoots fiery arrows at you and cause your wounds to slow you down, even in the excruciating pain of injury and exhaustion, you're still left with the same choice of choosing to step forward and upward... or not.
It's a matter of whether you want to or not. Who's to tell you what you can or cannot do?
I will never in this life forget Dr William Tan. He came to my college once. And after all the other students had left, he stayed back and talked to me about his life for more than an hour, late into the night.
Born with polio, he put his all into performing well in school to be qualified to study medicine. When our local university saw his waist-down paralysis, his application was rejected immediately. Undaunted, he set out to Australia to pursue his dreams.
When they told him he could not perform surgery because he could not stand, he fashioned a special tripod stand for himself so he could perform on an operating table; When they told him he would not be able to deliver babies, he far exceeded the quota for each student to deliver at least 3 babies that semester by delivering 17 of them; When the world told him again and again that he was hitting himself against a wall, that he would never make it as a doctor, he saved up everything he had and went to Harvard University to do a First Class Honors Degree and Masters in Physiology, a PhD in neuroscience and became a brain surgeon. After which, he trained to fulfill his childhood dream of becoming an Olympic athlete, being the first person in the world to complete 10 marathons over 7 continents over 70 consecutive days.
Over the last 18 years, he has completed 60 Ultra Marathons (Over 45 km each) and raised over 16 million dollars for charity.
They told him he couldn't. Shouldn't. After all, he was disabled. He had a disability.
Ironically, it was his disability which birthed in him his indomitable Spirit to fight against all odds. So then, would you call his disability his greatest handicap or asset?
It's a matter of perspective, isn't it. It's about whose eyes you care to look through- yours, or those of the world.
I mentioned this before- that I was unnerved by the audacity of a question which I received about my ability to become a medical doctor because of my journeying experience to Recovery. The next day, I made a phonecall to a full-time medical doctor who is preparing himself and family to enter the mission field to serve the poor.
"Do you think my condition or whatever you wish to call it, will affect how good a doctor I become? Will it endanger my patients? I need you to be very honest with me."
After listening to what I had to say, he replied very calmly, "You know, I'll tell you, all through my life, I've been suffering from chronic migraines. They come at the worst of times, like when I'm in the operating theatre. Do you know how dangerous it is when a severe migraine hits you in the middle of a crucial operation? But it doesn't stop me from pursuing my dreams, does it? It only helps me to make responsible choices, and I decide not to do surgery, but something else I love. "
Every single human being, doctor or not, has a handicap of some sort which prevents him from doing his job well, and pursuing his dream. No one is perfect, no one is God. The crucial thing, however, lies in ourselves making responsible choices, in the interests of others, while still being true to ourselves.
" So if you're concerned about taking responsibility and giving the best to your patients, then perhaps you might consider not pursuing a career in say... "
"Psychiatry. Yup, wasn't in my mind anyways."
"Precisely. You know, it may sound silly to you but I don't see my condition any differently from yours. It's just about knowing what we're good at, and what we're not. What we're predisposed to, what we're not and how to avoid those speedbumps. "
So, who's to tell you what you can or cannot be. If you can't change your circumstance or your genes, then you change what you can. And most often, it most certainly doesn't come at the expense of giving up your dreams.
Dreams are often so big and free that they give us space to mould, sharpen, shape them further-according to the gifts we were given.
So the next time someone comes to tell you that you have a disability, don't crumble in agony, grasping your burning foot in pain. Because for a while, a few days actually, I did.
We all have our Achilles' heel. But when the poison arrow strikes the soft spot, know that at that crucial moment, still, you have the power. To take one step upward and forward, against the pain, resistance and lies.
Upward and forward, upward and forward, against gravity, against the lies. And before you know it, you realise... you've reached the top. You've conquered all those steps, and you've earned the greatest reward of all- not fame, or power, or men's praise, but the fullness and certainty of knowing that a dream was fulfilled because you believed in yourself. That through it all, there was nothing to fear, because God was with you.
Upward and forward. And when you look back, you'll be surprised at the number of steps you conquered- against gravity, against the lies. And when you do, don't let anyone tell you that you didn't deserve to be there, to fulfill your innermost, deepest calling, because every one of those steps was a step you fought to conquer.
Upwards and forwards. Upward and forwards. And perhaps, just perhaps, when you reached the top, you and the world will see just how much more thankful, dedicated and passionate you are about what you do. Because after all, it was a disability, one which crippled you at first, which birthed in you more strength than any other normal, abled person, to do what seemed impossible. You had to fight that much harder, against that many more odds to gain the rare durability and perseverence to walk to where your heart needed to be.
What the world saw as your disability, becomes your greatest asset.
I think it would be fair to say that This experience has certainly helped me to become more acute and aware of this area of medicine, more astute to picking up hidden clues from patients regarding their disease. In fact, did you know that a majority of illnesses which present themselves at clinics can be traced back to a psycho-social origin? The hypertensive patient could be in trouble because of his high levels of stress- his stress could be related to his family or work; the diabetic could have a chronic problem with non-compliance to his diet because of his environment- his children could have abandoned him and he has no money to eat healthily; the patient who complains of chronic backache and migraines could be presenting with symptoms of depression-but refuses to seek treatment because of her husband's stigma regarding seeking counselling... none of which can be solved by medication alone. Drugs may alleviate the symptoms temporarily- but Western medicine is often guilty of missing the root causes of the presenting illness.
And I think it's fair to say that This experience has helped me, as a medical student, to look beyond what the eye can see, to delve a little deeper, to find out, and treat the root cause of the issue- which very often lies in changes in one's social environment and psychological attitude, not in 5-minute consultation sessions, scientific advice hammered down, or conveniently dispensing medication, even.
I am learning to see that it's all about Perspectives. Perhaps your unique life experiences could help you better empathise with others. Perhaps it helped you to treasure what so many take for granted. Perhaps it opened up your mind, and your heart to worlds so many have no ability to see.
I know it did for me- I will stand up to those who think otherwise. And I know many others who will be standing with me, too, even if we may be in the minority. What is right is often not the majority, anyway.
Upwards and forwards. Who's to say who you can or cannot be.
Pictures taken by Xi
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