One heart.

I didn't realise it's been a whole year since I met Grandpa Zhou. A whole year since I made friends with him who I thought to be a terribly rude and ungrateful old busker sitting by the train station, who used to wave off the notion of God and subscribed more to the religion of Mao Ze Dong more than anything else. A whole year since I brought him to the community health clinic because his deformed feet swelled from malnutrition. It's been a year, he's been much better- and he's stopped drinking, too. Now, instead of only eating white bread and soup daily, he has proper meals three times a week at a church near his home which gives out free lunches to the needy. His complexion is no longer sallow, and he looks much better, too.

"I like that place so much, the people are so nice to me," he says.


Just two days ago, I went to visit him again to give him some things. One by one, he took out each item from the bag and recited all the ingredients to me. His eyes glowed when he saw the pack of instant coffee- "My favourite brand! OWL BRAND!"

The people who are Nice or Mean to him. His meals. My future career. My future marriage. Chinese politics. God. These are the topics over which our friendship was sealed over 12 months.

Just a year ago, he was rude and mean to me when I first met him. And I wanted to scowl at his audacious ingratitude. But God's love was big enough for both myself and him, and so two hearts became one over time, over our chats on the grimy steps of the train station, beneath the stares of passers-by. " You God-believing people are so good to me. You know, I think God is real. I believe you now. I feel so happy when I sing the songs they teach us at that church when we have lunch. I've made so many friends- and none of them look down on me! "

This Saturday, we're attending dinner and Christmas celebrations at my White Place together.



We were just chatting, as usual, in Mandarin by the dirty steps of the train station, and it was he who asked me about my future, again.

"Yeah, it's great that you want to be a missionary doctor in future. But you know, you mightn't ever find anyone who might like to do this kind of work. Ever."

His frankness should've appalled me, but I've gotten used to his candid honesty, which in some ways, match my own.

"That's not true, Grandpa Zhou. I actually do know people like that," I said matter-of-factly. A year ago, the same statement might have shaken, unnerved me a bit, but a year later, I find myself at peace.

"Really? Ha, okay. Say... say you meet someone you really, really like- handsome, smart, from a similar background as yourself- in short you find him irresistable, but he doesn't want to do this kind of work... then what're you going to do?"

I laughed at the hypothetical question, then frowned because I was trying so hard to imagine myself being captivated by someone who didn't have the same heart as I did, trying so hard to imagine why God would put me in such a dilemma. But I took him a little seriously, lest it was a warning, though in my head, it seemed impossible, and I laughed out loud.

"Not possible," I giggled. I was trying with all my strength to imagine such a situation but I simply couldn't. I wondered if it was my charming insouciance which unnerved him a bit.

" Ah, that's what you say now, young one. You never know, you just, never know. What if, eh? What if. You're so young... ... BUT. If you do find someone whose heart beats as ONE with yours, then... you'll be very very blessed! "

I laughed. Then resolved to remember this moment, and find time to write down what God told me about my future White Knight. I'd written it down before- I ought to look for it. When 2 people come together, surely their hearts must beat as one, together with God's- as one big One, no?

Last week I met a missionary doctor from America, introduced to me from the previous missionary I had met at the recent medical outreach event I attended. She's been travelling alone to India, Indonesia, all over the world for years alone, serving the poor and healing the sick.

I knew the answer to my burning question to her but I asked anyway. "Do you get lonely?"


" I still wish I had someone with me, the longing never goes away. And people back home in USA chide me for travelling so much- they say I ought to go home to find someone. Why can't I help the poor in America? But you know before I left, I tried to negotiate with God my reasons for staying behind... and I knew deep inside that none of them were valid. Job security, finding a soulmate, familiar faces... what are these to me when my heart is with the poor?"

She looked at the book in my hands- A Chance to Die by Amy Carmichael. "You know that remarkable single woman left everything she had in Ireland to serve in India. When she died, her heart was buried there."

And I reached the point where tears built up behind my eyes. I was trying hard not to cry- I didn't want her to feel embarrassed by her sacrificial love she thought of as hardly significant in comparison to how God loved her. But when we parted, my hug was probably one bit too tight, my voice one bit too shaky when I thanked her.

One heart. She couldn't find anybody else's which beat in sync with hers, so she left anyway, to do the good work she felt called to do, with her ear pressed to the bosom of her Father's heartbeat. When I spoke to her, she was full of joy, with no regrets. And I knew if she had made a compromise, her One heart would break in two.



It's so Important to find a heart that beats like yours. Important, and not impossible, I still maintain.


Just last night, a friend called me just to tell me, "I'm attached and I wanted you to hear it from me." I could have cried when I heard who she was with. I looked up so much to her. A graduate from dentistry, we often talked about doing medical mission work in the future. She has a heart of gold, and I often wondered if she would end up serving the poor alone. "He's such a good man, " I said. "I'm so happy for you."

When I graduate, things will somehow fall into place. Before she graduated, she couldn't imagine her future either. But at the right time, things just fall into place, I suppose. I don't know why I feel such a strange peace about this- I never did before.


So I'll keep my heart in One piece for now, One with God who has called me, till the day I graduate and wait till another finds mine, where us three can become One. The day that happens, I know I'll remember that moment on those dirty grimy steps, and I hope I'll still be in touch with Grandpa Zhou to tell him with the cheeky giggle and charming insouciance I always talk to him with, " I told you so, ya?"


Ha.

"Delight yourself in the Lord,

and He will give you the desires of your heart."

-Psalm 37:4