Just a week ago, I lamented how much I missed acting and dancing, just how much I missed the stage, where for once I can be Vulnerable for a reason, be me for an audience which cannot decipher which is and is not me, where I can give back something of an artist's heart, the heart God created, back into the world, even if only for a moment. Just a week ago, I asked God what made me special- why do you give me an artist's heart if I'm called to be a medical doctor, and won't you please use me?
Last weekend, when they asked me if I would act as the female lead in a mime about a girl's journey in losing and finding God again, performed during an outreach event for our fringe community at a drug rehabilitation centre today, I knew I could not refuse. God, that's a really fast answer, you know.
Tears, pain, anguish and real relief. The very first time we acted it out, I actually cried.
God, you here for me? The universal question we all want answered.
Did You really love me from the start? When Time began and my heart choked into life from the darkness into sunlight?
Wonderment and awe, hope and splendour. Lemon-yellow flowers, pearl-white doves and cherry red apples are the Best things on earth. Did you really Create them just for me?
But it's such a crazy world out there... My head and my heart hurt in synchrony, and I cannot hear your voice. I hear the sinister beat of a pounding drum, swallowing my heartbeat. God, where are you when I hurt?
And as we finally presented our item to the many migrant workers at the outreach Christmas carnival this evening, I think I felt you, God. You know, in the beginning of the year when I struggled with depression, someone once asked me why in my drawings, I always drew God as a magnificent hand, and I, a tiny girl only worthy to hug His fingertips. God is your friend, she said, your lover- Can you imagine that? You know, when she asked me that question, I think I cried for half an hour, because I felt so dirty inside. Unworthy.
And today, at the final scene, when we hugged on stage, God, I think I felt You. My best friend, lover, father- all at once. Did you know, I worked so hard to try and imagine you as my friend, lover, husband. Did you know, today I think I felt You, your bosom, and not just your fingertips? And I wanted to cry but I was too happy, really. Worthy, that's what You made us.
I enjoyed it so much. I understand a little more why You made me this way, with an artist's heart.
Because when I lay on the open field at the drug rehabilitation centre, underneath the wide open sky, I could make out heart shapes, of different sizes, from the blue of the sky and white of the clouds that You created. Because my tears tell your story, my fragility tell your strength. Because when I performed on stage today, with my amateur skills and unpolished emotions, I felt your pleasure. Pleasing You- is firstly enjoyable, delightful, like cherry apples which I love, and also liberating, profound.
Wonderment and awe, hope and splendour. Sin and evil, construed by the devil. But you reminded me, that You're here, hearing me. How is it that when I fold up like origami, cowardly along the same creases, wishing to pack everything away in a box, You iron me out, fresh as hotel bedspreads so I can start anew and afresh?
You've brought me a long way, God. Because of you, I'm healed today. You're my everything.
* This is the famous Everything Lifehouse mime we performed today (I've yet to receive our videotaped version as yet). Enjoy.
Last weekend, when they asked me if I would act as the female lead in a mime about a girl's journey in losing and finding God again, performed during an outreach event for our fringe community at a drug rehabilitation centre today, I knew I could not refuse. God, that's a really fast answer, you know.
Tears, pain, anguish and real relief. The very first time we acted it out, I actually cried.
God, you here for me? The universal question we all want answered.
Did You really love me from the start? When Time began and my heart choked into life from the darkness into sunlight?
Wonderment and awe, hope and splendour. Lemon-yellow flowers, pearl-white doves and cherry red apples are the Best things on earth. Did you really Create them just for me?
But it's such a crazy world out there... My head and my heart hurt in synchrony, and I cannot hear your voice. I hear the sinister beat of a pounding drum, swallowing my heartbeat. God, where are you when I hurt?
And as we finally presented our item to the many migrant workers at the outreach Christmas carnival this evening, I think I felt you, God. You know, in the beginning of the year when I struggled with depression, someone once asked me why in my drawings, I always drew God as a magnificent hand, and I, a tiny girl only worthy to hug His fingertips. God is your friend, she said, your lover- Can you imagine that? You know, when she asked me that question, I think I cried for half an hour, because I felt so dirty inside. Unworthy.
And today, at the final scene, when we hugged on stage, God, I think I felt You. My best friend, lover, father- all at once. Did you know, I worked so hard to try and imagine you as my friend, lover, husband. Did you know, today I think I felt You, your bosom, and not just your fingertips? And I wanted to cry but I was too happy, really. Worthy, that's what You made us.
I enjoyed it so much. I understand a little more why You made me this way, with an artist's heart.
Because when I lay on the open field at the drug rehabilitation centre, underneath the wide open sky, I could make out heart shapes, of different sizes, from the blue of the sky and white of the clouds that You created. Because my tears tell your story, my fragility tell your strength. Because when I performed on stage today, with my amateur skills and unpolished emotions, I felt your pleasure. Pleasing You- is firstly enjoyable, delightful, like cherry apples which I love, and also liberating, profound.
Wonderment and awe, hope and splendour. Sin and evil, construed by the devil. But you reminded me, that You're here, hearing me. How is it that when I fold up like origami, cowardly along the same creases, wishing to pack everything away in a box, You iron me out, fresh as hotel bedspreads so I can start anew and afresh?
You've brought me a long way, God. Because of you, I'm healed today. You're my everything.
* This is the famous Everything Lifehouse mime we performed today (I've yet to receive our videotaped version as yet). Enjoy.
"You are the strength, that keeps me walking.
You are the hope, that keeps me trusting.
You are the light to my soul.
You are my purpose, You're everything.
How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?"
- Everything by Lifehouse
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