Saturday, August 30, 2008
Assume This Position
Angle and depth of penetration
When it comes to sex positions, we'll take them all. But our go-to is the clitoris-pleasing cowgirl. When you're on top, facing him, you control the angle and depth of penetration, and you're free to grind your hips whichever way works best at any given moment. Bonus: Because you're more likely to move back and forth than up and down (which stimulates his penis more intensely), your partner will last longer.
1. He lies on his back, enjoying the view of your gorgeous bod and engaging in romantic eye contact.
2. Rock or slide your hips back and forth to drum up some delicious clitoral friction.
3. Tilt your pelvis forward to maximize contact between your clitoris and his abdomen.
4. Make his night by reaching behind you and stroking his testicles.
5. Ask for a breast massage or have him place his hands on your hips or butt — the more erogenous zones that are being stimulated, the bigger the orgasm you're likely to have.
6. Lean back, resting your hands on his upper thighs, to bring the tip of his penis in contact with your G-spot.
7. Place a pillow under his bum for deeper penetration.
When it comes to sex positions, we'll take them all. But our go-to is the clitoris-pleasing cowgirl. When you're on top, facing him, you control the angle and depth of penetration, and you're free to grind your hips whichever way works best at any given moment. Bonus: Because you're more likely to move back and forth than up and down (which stimulates his penis more intensely), your partner will last longer.
1. He lies on his back, enjoying the view of your gorgeous bod and engaging in romantic eye contact.
2. Rock or slide your hips back and forth to drum up some delicious clitoral friction.
3. Tilt your pelvis forward to maximize contact between your clitoris and his abdomen.
4. Make his night by reaching behind you and stroking his testicles.
5. Ask for a breast massage or have him place his hands on your hips or butt — the more erogenous zones that are being stimulated, the bigger the orgasm you're likely to have.
6. Lean back, resting your hands on his upper thighs, to bring the tip of his penis in contact with your G-spot.
7. Place a pillow under his bum for deeper penetration.
Do I Make You Horny, Baby?
For 47 years, the Pill has given women the freedom to knock boots without getting knocked up. And while popping hormones does have its cons (like a slightly higher risk for blood clots), you can't deny the perks: the convenience, the protection against uterine and ovarian cancers, the 99.7 percent effectiveness rate. But it turns out your trusty little OC can come with a caveat that might make you think twice about swallowing those little pills every day.
In the past decade, researchers have found that hormonal contraceptives -- including the Pill, the Patch, and the vaginal ring -- can dampen how often women want, think about, and even respond to sexual stimulation. And an online Women's Health poll backs that up: We found that 36 percent of you firmly believe the Pill muffles your mojo.
Unfortunately, no official stats are available on how prevalent this problem really is. When asked to estimate how many of their patients on the Pill have suffered a blow to their sex lives, doctors' answers range from 10 percent to 40 percent -- though some sexual-health specialists argue that 40 percent is a lot closer to reality. The phenomenon may be underestimated because many docs simply aren't clued in to the, well, ins and outs of their patients' sex lives. "Sex drive is not a subject most doctors are comfortable discussing, because it's not something they learn about in detail in medical school," says Irwin Goldstein, M.D., director of sexual medicine at Alvarado Hospital in San Diego. And while some European countries, including Germany, list decreased desire as a side effect on birth-control packages, there are no printed warnings about it in the United States.
There Are Reasons We Bonk?
So, what drives your love machine? A key component is testosterone. As a woman, you don't have enough juice to grow a goatee or develop a burning desire for an Xbox 360; but the amount you do have plays a role in your randiness, especially just before ovulation (when you're most likely to get pregnant). Every month at midcycle, women's brains signal their ovaries, which create 50 percent of the body's testosterone, to produce a surge of the lust-?stimulating stuff. That makes perfect sense, given that our main biological goal is to propagate the species.
Testosterone also initiates blood flow that causes your girly parts to become plump and sensitive. This leads to lubrication and, with any luck, one hell of an orgasm. According to the April issue of Hormones and Behavior, Canadian researchers report that women with higher levels of testosterone climax more often than those with lower hormone levels.
The problem is that daily contraceptives alter the body's testosterone production -- and not in a good way. This occurs for two reasons. First, the hormones in the Pill put the ovaries to sleep, halting ovulation. Conked-out ovaries can't produce testosterone.
And what about the other 50 percent of your body's testosterone, which is produced by the adrenal glands? The Pill renders it useless, thanks to the super-potent synthetic estrogen it contains. After you take each pill, your liver -- convinced that you've consumed a potentially toxic amount of estrogen -- starts pumping out a protein called sex hormone-binding globulin (SHBG). It works by glomming onto sex hormones (including estrogen, but also testosterone) like a mosquito to fly paper. As more of your testosterone glues itself to SHBG, less of it is available for your body to use. This "free" testosterone -- whatever's produced that SHBG doesn't swallow up -- partially determines your sex drive. In fact, a 2004 Boston University study found that subjects who reported the ?greatest sexual desire had higher levels of free testosterone. (Maybe that's A-Rod's problem.)
The Better Sex Workout
Sleep on this: You'd have better sex if you were a loose woman. Limbering up with yoga will help you build a strong, supple body — and that leads to a lot more action in the bedroom, says Ellen Barrett, author of Sexy Yoga. "Yoga increases flexibility, which helps you to be free and just go for it in sex," she says. Here are five more reasons you should hit the mat before you hit the sack.
It Helps You Flow
Yoga increases your overall blood flow, and some positions, such as the eagle pose, direct it straight toward your pelvis. When all that blood rushes to your privates, it literally makes you hot. That heat, combined with a Viagra-like stimulation (as the blood swells your button), heightens your sensitivity and increases desire.
It Makes You Stronger Down Below
Yoga tones and strengthens your entire core — which includes your pelvic floor. "The more you work these muscles, the greater range of motion you have," says Becky Jeffers, fitness director at the Berman Center for femal sexual health and menopause management in Chicago. "This gives you stronger contractions and releases, which can help you experience a more intense orgasm."
It Breeds Confidence
Quieting your mind and focusing on your breath during a pose help you become more aware of yourself — and your own needs. "When you're present, you know what you need to feel fulfilled by your partner," Jeffers says. "You can then translate and communicate this deeper understanding to your partner during sex." Knowing and expressing your desires will make you feel good — psychologically as well as sexually.
It Eases Pain
For some women, especially runners, hip and thigh tightness can make sex tough, but yoga eases pain by releasing that tension and relaxing your hips. "Tension in your hips can affect how your pelvic floor works," Jeffers says. One tight muscle can lead to another, making your chances of orgasm remote and your love session about as sexy as a sweaty round on the rowing machine. Relax, and everything gets easier — and better.
It Gives You Mojo
Yoga moves like triangle and seated open-angle pose stimulate your chakras. According to Eastern philosophy, your sex life is governed by these chakras — your body's energy centers surrounding your spine, in Yoga-speak. "When your chakras are in healthy working order, you'll find your sexual relations to be vibrant and healthy, too," Barrett says. Your three "sexiest" chakras are the root chakra (located at your perineum — the area between your pubic bone and anus), the sacral chakra (in the center of your lower abdomen), and the heart chakra (in the center of your chest). Yoga enriches these critical areas with blood and "prana," the life force, according to Barrett. That promotes openness and decreases sexual inhibition, which make you a more game sex partner and, in turn, a much happier person.
It Helps You Flow
Yoga increases your overall blood flow, and some positions, such as the eagle pose, direct it straight toward your pelvis. When all that blood rushes to your privates, it literally makes you hot. That heat, combined with a Viagra-like stimulation (as the blood swells your button), heightens your sensitivity and increases desire.
It Makes You Stronger Down Below
Yoga tones and strengthens your entire core — which includes your pelvic floor. "The more you work these muscles, the greater range of motion you have," says Becky Jeffers, fitness director at the Berman Center for femal sexual health and menopause management in Chicago. "This gives you stronger contractions and releases, which can help you experience a more intense orgasm."
It Breeds Confidence
Quieting your mind and focusing on your breath during a pose help you become more aware of yourself — and your own needs. "When you're present, you know what you need to feel fulfilled by your partner," Jeffers says. "You can then translate and communicate this deeper understanding to your partner during sex." Knowing and expressing your desires will make you feel good — psychologically as well as sexually.
It Eases Pain
For some women, especially runners, hip and thigh tightness can make sex tough, but yoga eases pain by releasing that tension and relaxing your hips. "Tension in your hips can affect how your pelvic floor works," Jeffers says. One tight muscle can lead to another, making your chances of orgasm remote and your love session about as sexy as a sweaty round on the rowing machine. Relax, and everything gets easier — and better.
It Gives You Mojo
Yoga moves like triangle and seated open-angle pose stimulate your chakras. According to Eastern philosophy, your sex life is governed by these chakras — your body's energy centers surrounding your spine, in Yoga-speak. "When your chakras are in healthy working order, you'll find your sexual relations to be vibrant and healthy, too," Barrett says. Your three "sexiest" chakras are the root chakra (located at your perineum — the area between your pubic bone and anus), the sacral chakra (in the center of your lower abdomen), and the heart chakra (in the center of your chest). Yoga enriches these critical areas with blood and "prana," the life force, according to Barrett. That promotes openness and decreases sexual inhibition, which make you a more game sex partner and, in turn, a much happier person.
11 Fun (and Sexy) Things to Do with a Man
"Ultimately, fun is the best aphrodisiac," says Paul Joannides, author of The Guide to Getting It On! "Quit looking for sexy, and look for fun instead—and you'll end up having more sex."
We like the way this guy thinks. That's why we brainstormed these adventures (with some help from sex experts and our male friends). To get more sex. For you. Call it our little community service project.
Take him shopping
. . . and let him pick the clothes.
Men don't hate shopping because of the money. It's the sitting on the boyfriend couch at Banana Republic that they don't like. But what guy wouldn't be enthused about a mall trip if he knew that every 2 minutes a beautiful woman would pop by to model a sexy outfit he just picked out?
Men don't hate shopping because of the money. It's the sitting on the boyfriend couch at Banana Republic that they don't like. But what guy wouldn't be enthused about a mall trip if he knew that every 2 minutes a beautiful woman would pop by to model a sexy outfit he just picked out?
"Men love to enhance their erotic experience visually, so if a women is willing to play exhibitionist, it should work like a charm," says Carol Queen, Ph.D., author of Exhibitionism for the Shy. If he agrees to buy, there's no reason you shouldn't agree to model.
Get naked!Pour peppermint schnapps in your belly button. Have him sip it. Then have him kiss your breasts and blow on the spots he kissed. The peppermint schnapps and air combine for a cool sensation that heightens arousal, says Ava Cadell, Ph.D., a Los Angeles sex therapist.
Do some shopping at adult-toy Web sites and the grocery store. There's a whole world of flavors and textures—whipped cream, chocolate and fruit-flavored sauces, liqueurs — out there to play with. (Beware of oil-based products, such as many massage oils with coconut, which can eat away and break latex condoms.)
Dance!
Turn dancing into dirty dancing with an Audi-Oh Butterfly Vibrator, which pulsates to the speed and intensity of whatever beat is playing.
Wear the harness with butterfly vibe underneath your panties. Then bump and grind to throbbing music with him at a club, or play deejay at home. This is one remote you won't fight over ($80, Babeland).
Wear the harness with butterfly vibe underneath your panties. Then bump and grind to throbbing music with him at a club, or play deejay at home. This is one remote you won't fight over ($80, Babeland).
Go to dinner"During the meal, you're allowed to talk only about sexual fantasies," suggests Patricia Love, Ed.D., author of Hot Monogamy. "There's something very erotic about being public and being surreptitious about your sexuality."
Bonus mission: Order foods that are delicious and lascivious at the same time. Share a chocolate mousse in a martini glass for dessert. "Chocolate produces PEA (phenylethylamine), a natural amphetamine that creates feelings of euphoria, especially during orgasm," says Ian Kerner, Ph.D., author of She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman.
Bonus mission: Order foods that are delicious and lascivious at the same time. Share a chocolate mousse in a martini glass for dessert. "Chocolate produces PEA (phenylethylamine), a natural amphetamine that creates feelings of euphoria, especially during orgasm," says Ian Kerner, Ph.D., author of She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman.
Get cooking
"It's an opportunity to create something special as a couple," says celebrity chef and restaurateur Bobby Flay. "So the crème brûlèe doesn't set. Who cares? It's just the two of you." Make an entire dinner that can be eaten with your fingers, and then feed your lover.
For dessert, Dr. Queen suggests "putting a berry or chocolate truffle in your mouth and kissing your lover to share it." Food fights can also be frisky, fun, and sexy — as long as you're willing to clean up after.
For dessert, Dr. Queen suggests "putting a berry or chocolate truffle in your mouth and kissing your lover to share it." Food fights can also be frisky, fun, and sexy — as long as you're willing to clean up after.
Challenge Him to Strip-PlayStation 3
What's more fun than dropping in on your guy's football game, intercepting a pass, and scoring the winning touchdown? "You don't have to be into S&M to find power and competition erotic," says Dr. Queen. Remove a piece of clothing every time you score.
"The reason this works is because it eroticizes something ordinary." For the ultimate in heated competition, try ESPN NFL 2K8. The combination of sexy cheerleaders and hotties like Patriots quarterback Tom Brady is sure to spark some one-on-one action.
"The reason this works is because it eroticizes something ordinary." For the ultimate in heated competition, try ESPN NFL 2K8. The combination of sexy cheerleaders and hotties like Patriots quarterback Tom Brady is sure to spark some one-on-one action.
Get naked again!
Make your own art — on each other. Pick up a chocolate tattoo set ($15, Early to Bed). The creative kit includes a jar of chocolate body frosting, stencil sheets, and a paintbrush. Lick off.
Star in your own sex video
Shoot yourself while you're alone, and upload your own porn flick onto your computer. Then call him over to the screen to show him this, um, really cool Web site you just found. He'll think he's dating Paris Hilton.
Not so tech savvy? Use your camera phone to beam him a few peek-a-boo surprises. "From Pamela and Tommy Lee to the folks next door, DIY porn is hot," says Dr. Queen. And if you ever plan to run for Senate, just make sure you know where all the copies are stashed.
Pretend he's a stranger
This is a great way to spice up your sex life without going outside your relationship for extra ingredients. "Remember that our brain is really our biggest sex organ, and we want to stimulate our creativity and imagination as much as possible," says Dr. Kerner.
Have your guy try to pick you up at a bar. He might even enjoy watching you flirt with other guys as long as he knows you're coming home with him. "Whenever a guy knows that his woman is the object of desire to another guy, it's a turn-on," says Dr. Kerner.
Get wet
Ask him to help you wash the dishes, and then start a water fight. "Water fights might be even better than food fights," says Dr. Kerner.
Studies have shown that when couples do physical chores together, it can lead to sex in new places at different times, according to Dr. Kerner.
Get all wet washing the car together, and while you're at it, rediscover the backseat.
Studies have shown that when couples do physical chores together, it can lead to sex in new places at different times, according to Dr. Kerner.
Get all wet washing the car together, and while you're at it, rediscover the backseat.
Just make out
Have a make-out date at least an hour long, says Joannides, with no below-the-belt contact. It's fun, teenage-style!
Friday, August 29, 2008
Make it: Kids Custom Painted Sneakers
It is that time of year, when all the kids want the coolest sneakers in town. With a few coats of paint and an easy polka dot technique using a glue stick as a paint brush - kids can paint their own!
The painted shoes can easily be customized to feature school or team colors.
Materials:
1 pair plain canvas sneakers
FolkArt Fabric Paint – 4423 Costal Blue (brush on)
FolkArt Fabric Paint – 4408 Pure Orange (brush on)
FolkArt Fabric Paint – 4403 Magenta (brush on)
FolkArt Fabric Paint – 4400 Wicker White (brush on)
Mod Podge – Glitter, Hologram Gold
2 Foam Paintbrushes
1 Large Glue Stick
1 Mini Glue Stick
Thin Tip Permanent Marker – Magenta Color
Steps:
Using a foam brush, apply the costal blue paint to the front of the sneakers and allow to dry.
Create the large polka dots by dipping the end of a large glue stick into the costal blue paint and the press the painted end against the canvas on the sides and back of the shoes.
Paint the polka dots in a random pattern, leaving space for the other colors. Continue with this technique, using a mini glue stick to paint the orange and magenta polka dots.
Once the blue paint on the front of the shoes is dry, add a large white, large magenta and a mini orange polka dot to the front of each shoe.
Add faux stitching around the shoes by drawing small dashes around the edge of the sneakers.
After all the paint is dry, apply two coats of glitter Mod Podge to the entire shoe using a foam brush. Allow for drying in between coats.
The sparkle is the new glitter Mod Podge! Oh how I love it...Once, I dreamt.
Once, we dreamt of nobility.
Ask any child. He will tell you he wants to be a policeman. A firefighter. A doctor. And she will tell you she wants to be a teacher. A ballerina. An artist.
Once, we dreamt of making the world a better place. Some place more beautiful, more lovely, more worth living in.
Ask any child. And he will show you the dreams he dreams to grow into. Good dreams, sound dreams.
Once, I dreamt of becoming a painter. And a teacher. And a doctor. And then a missionary.
Ask the child in me. And I will show you those dreams were good.
But as we grow up, our marshmallow dreams sink into the hot chocolate muck of our reality, and the vocations we grow ourselves into no longer sound noble, brave, beautiful. We became doctors, and clerks, and cashiers, and students and businesspeople. And we even became famous people.
But they were of a different texture. Our dreams of childhood, made of delicate silk and fine gold, became rough and gritty.
Once, we dreamt of nobility.
In the shape of firefighters, policemen, teachers, doctors and painters. When we didn't become any of those, it was as if the child in us, the child which once dreamt of nobility, died, too. And when we did become any of those, too often, we became disillusioned, too Efficient, and grew up too quickly.
How many people have you met who truly are crazy about their jobs? Just yesterday I met a little old silver-haired lady in thick-rimmed glasses who picked my two team-mates and I up from the hospital corridor, just randomly. "Are you three medical students? Not having lessons right? Come with me."
She didn't know any of us. For the next two hours, she whisked us from ward to ward, teaching us about her patients by their bedside. "I like to teach random people at any time of the day, wherever I am. It's not important to know who I am," she quipped. She was a little William Osler on steroids, and it wasn't before long that we realised she was the most senior and respected doctor of that department.
She was clearly past seventy, and yet full of fire and bursting with child-like energy. "Don't ever describe your patient as 'that guy'. I find that very disrespectful. Make the effort to remember their names."
She won my respect immediately.
Past seventy, and yet full of that child-like, dream-like quality in the spring of her foot-steps. Once, she dreamt of nobility. And she lives it well.
And we forget that the dreams we dreamed as children, which made us believe in truth and nobility and beauty, were the dreams we dreamed would become our vocations, the dreams we dreamed would make us better people.
Does your vocation make you a better person?
Was it the dream you dreamt of when you were little? More importantly, did it make you the person you dreamt of becoming. No, not famous or rich or first, even. But brave, and noble and kind.
I felt quite low the entire morning today. In my haste to get a job done, I didn't realise how hurried I sounded with a patient before my team-mate pointed it out to me. Walking back from the ward, I thanked him for being so honest with me. I heaved a sigh.
"I'm so afraid of becoming dehumanised to patients, that I might wake up one morning and find myself no longer the same person I used to be," I said.
"Well, you shouldn't be the same person," he laughed. I think he meant to say, you should be better.
Perhaps, we underestimate our vocations, and forget the power they have over us, that magical transformative power they had over us as children, to make us better people. We forget, that once, we dreamt of nobility- of goodness and courage and beauty.
In many ways, I am enjoying the way mine is shaping me, and not in the way many think. Before, I was afraid of the proud prick I might become in my journey of becoming a doctor. But the more I learn, the more ashamed I am of my lack of humility and servitude, and the more awed I am by the vastness of knowledge that lay before me.
Before, I think I would often imagine myself being in the limelight, doing the Impressive procedures "fit" for the intended image of a doctor, doing "important" things people expect doctors to do. But I like the way medicine is shaping me- that I can now hold a patient's hand, or get him a glass of water, or draw his curtains, or adjust his bed, or help a nurse, or run a tiny errand for a doctor... and feel perfectly and completely fulfilled. Before, I would have been irritated by the mundane nature of it all. But I like how this vocation is shaping, changing me, and I like the way it has changed my definition of Nobility.
Once, I dreamt of nobility. And it has become my reality, albeit in a humbler, more precious way.
I just got posted to a different hospital a week ago to a different department. We're no longer in Surgery, but in Internal Medicine. In the hospital I was previously at, I vividly remember one defining moment which etched itself like an engraved name onto the plaque of my heart.
There was an elderly man curled up on his bed, shrivelled like a prawn, making incomprehensible moans which everybody ignored. Before, I knew I would have walked past him without nary a backward glance. That day, however, I Stopped. I stopped, and I went back and I asked him what the matter was. He flailed his hand weakly in the air and moaned again. We could have dismissed him as being demented, but we stopped to figure out his gesticulations. I realised- he wanted his food at the foot of his bed which he couldn't reach. I pulled his table to him, and my team-mate adjusted it for him.
"Is that okay?" I asked. He nodded meekly. I smiled, but just as I was about to leave, my team-mate Stopped to arranged his cutlery, and painstakingly unwrapped the plastic clingwrap stuck to his soup-bowl. That tiny act awed me-unwrapping that plastic clingwrap, that is. As we left, I sneaked a quick peek and caught a glimpse of his sheepish, bleary, droolly grin, as he held his spoonful of porridge to his wide-open mouth tremulously and served it right in. He was so happy.
That was my best moment.
It felt better than any pride-filled moment of glee when I answered a question correctly, or impressed my professor in front of the class. It felt better than my first time doing stitches in Operation Theatre. That was my best moment. He was so happy.
A moment of humility, of being transformed, of becoming a child, and dreaming again. Of growing into a Vocation, a dream which made me, is making me a better person.
And I realised, that it doesn't take the Vocation itself to make one's dreams and reality noble. It is the child-like, dream-like courage, goodness and sincerity one puts into the little which one does.
I remember, it would often be the arrogant, efficient senior doctor instead who disappointed me with his gruffness and egocentric attitude. (Of course, there are many inspiring senior doctors around too.) At the hospital I was attached to in the previous two months, I was even inspired by the cleaning lady who greeted everyone around her everyday, whatever their position or mood was. She brightened up the day of every single person who went by her.
Maybe she never dreamt of becoming a cleaning lady. Maybe her lifelong aspiration was to be a doctor, or a ballerina, or a world-renowned chef. Maybe that was her childhood dream. But you could never tell. Because for all the world could see, her nobility showed not through the nature of her job, but what she made it to be- a true vocation of her own, one she owned with pride. She filled it with her own fairytale goodness and made it noble as it was.
Once, we dreamed of nobility.
In the shape of firefighters, policemen, teachers, doctors and painters.
And perhaps it's about time we remembered, that to truly dream and fulfill those dreams, to truly lived a life of nobility and truth, to truly have lived and succeeded, is...
... to laugh often and smile much, to see the best in others and oneself, to listen well and wholeheartedly... to leave the world a little better, a little more beautiful, a little more transformed, whether by a kind word or a genuine look or a humble act... to know that even one life was made more enjoyable because of the way you lived and dreamed...
Perhaps, that is to have dreamt of nobility, and lived it, too.
Ask any child. He will tell you he wants to be a policeman. A firefighter. A doctor. And she will tell you she wants to be a teacher. A ballerina. An artist.
Once, we dreamt of making the world a better place. Some place more beautiful, more lovely, more worth living in.
Ask any child. And he will show you the dreams he dreams to grow into. Good dreams, sound dreams.
Once, I dreamt of becoming a painter. And a teacher. And a doctor. And then a missionary.
Ask the child in me. And I will show you those dreams were good.
But as we grow up, our marshmallow dreams sink into the hot chocolate muck of our reality, and the vocations we grow ourselves into no longer sound noble, brave, beautiful. We became doctors, and clerks, and cashiers, and students and businesspeople. And we even became famous people.
But they were of a different texture. Our dreams of childhood, made of delicate silk and fine gold, became rough and gritty.
Once, we dreamt of nobility.
In the shape of firefighters, policemen, teachers, doctors and painters. When we didn't become any of those, it was as if the child in us, the child which once dreamt of nobility, died, too. And when we did become any of those, too often, we became disillusioned, too Efficient, and grew up too quickly.
How many people have you met who truly are crazy about their jobs? Just yesterday I met a little old silver-haired lady in thick-rimmed glasses who picked my two team-mates and I up from the hospital corridor, just randomly. "Are you three medical students? Not having lessons right? Come with me."
She didn't know any of us. For the next two hours, she whisked us from ward to ward, teaching us about her patients by their bedside. "I like to teach random people at any time of the day, wherever I am. It's not important to know who I am," she quipped. She was a little William Osler on steroids, and it wasn't before long that we realised she was the most senior and respected doctor of that department.
She was clearly past seventy, and yet full of fire and bursting with child-like energy. "Don't ever describe your patient as 'that guy'. I find that very disrespectful. Make the effort to remember their names."
She won my respect immediately.
Past seventy, and yet full of that child-like, dream-like quality in the spring of her foot-steps. Once, she dreamt of nobility. And she lives it well.
And we forget that the dreams we dreamed as children, which made us believe in truth and nobility and beauty, were the dreams we dreamed would become our vocations, the dreams we dreamed would make us better people.
Does your vocation make you a better person?
Was it the dream you dreamt of when you were little? More importantly, did it make you the person you dreamt of becoming. No, not famous or rich or first, even. But brave, and noble and kind.
I felt quite low the entire morning today. In my haste to get a job done, I didn't realise how hurried I sounded with a patient before my team-mate pointed it out to me. Walking back from the ward, I thanked him for being so honest with me. I heaved a sigh.
"I'm so afraid of becoming dehumanised to patients, that I might wake up one morning and find myself no longer the same person I used to be," I said.
"Well, you shouldn't be the same person," he laughed. I think he meant to say, you should be better.
Perhaps, we underestimate our vocations, and forget the power they have over us, that magical transformative power they had over us as children, to make us better people. We forget, that once, we dreamt of nobility- of goodness and courage and beauty.
In many ways, I am enjoying the way mine is shaping me, and not in the way many think. Before, I was afraid of the proud prick I might become in my journey of becoming a doctor. But the more I learn, the more ashamed I am of my lack of humility and servitude, and the more awed I am by the vastness of knowledge that lay before me.
Before, I think I would often imagine myself being in the limelight, doing the Impressive procedures "fit" for the intended image of a doctor, doing "important" things people expect doctors to do. But I like the way medicine is shaping me- that I can now hold a patient's hand, or get him a glass of water, or draw his curtains, or adjust his bed, or help a nurse, or run a tiny errand for a doctor... and feel perfectly and completely fulfilled. Before, I would have been irritated by the mundane nature of it all. But I like how this vocation is shaping, changing me, and I like the way it has changed my definition of Nobility.
Once, I dreamt of nobility. And it has become my reality, albeit in a humbler, more precious way.
I just got posted to a different hospital a week ago to a different department. We're no longer in Surgery, but in Internal Medicine. In the hospital I was previously at, I vividly remember one defining moment which etched itself like an engraved name onto the plaque of my heart.
There was an elderly man curled up on his bed, shrivelled like a prawn, making incomprehensible moans which everybody ignored. Before, I knew I would have walked past him without nary a backward glance. That day, however, I Stopped. I stopped, and I went back and I asked him what the matter was. He flailed his hand weakly in the air and moaned again. We could have dismissed him as being demented, but we stopped to figure out his gesticulations. I realised- he wanted his food at the foot of his bed which he couldn't reach. I pulled his table to him, and my team-mate adjusted it for him.
"Is that okay?" I asked. He nodded meekly. I smiled, but just as I was about to leave, my team-mate Stopped to arranged his cutlery, and painstakingly unwrapped the plastic clingwrap stuck to his soup-bowl. That tiny act awed me-unwrapping that plastic clingwrap, that is. As we left, I sneaked a quick peek and caught a glimpse of his sheepish, bleary, droolly grin, as he held his spoonful of porridge to his wide-open mouth tremulously and served it right in. He was so happy.
That was my best moment.
It felt better than any pride-filled moment of glee when I answered a question correctly, or impressed my professor in front of the class. It felt better than my first time doing stitches in Operation Theatre. That was my best moment. He was so happy.
A moment of humility, of being transformed, of becoming a child, and dreaming again. Of growing into a Vocation, a dream which made me, is making me a better person.
And I realised, that it doesn't take the Vocation itself to make one's dreams and reality noble. It is the child-like, dream-like courage, goodness and sincerity one puts into the little which one does.
I remember, it would often be the arrogant, efficient senior doctor instead who disappointed me with his gruffness and egocentric attitude. (Of course, there are many inspiring senior doctors around too.) At the hospital I was attached to in the previous two months, I was even inspired by the cleaning lady who greeted everyone around her everyday, whatever their position or mood was. She brightened up the day of every single person who went by her.
Maybe she never dreamt of becoming a cleaning lady. Maybe her lifelong aspiration was to be a doctor, or a ballerina, or a world-renowned chef. Maybe that was her childhood dream. But you could never tell. Because for all the world could see, her nobility showed not through the nature of her job, but what she made it to be- a true vocation of her own, one she owned with pride. She filled it with her own fairytale goodness and made it noble as it was.
Once, we dreamed of nobility.
In the shape of firefighters, policemen, teachers, doctors and painters.
And perhaps it's about time we remembered, that to truly dream and fulfill those dreams, to truly lived a life of nobility and truth, to truly have lived and succeeded, is...
... to laugh often and smile much, to see the best in others and oneself, to listen well and wholeheartedly... to leave the world a little better, a little more beautiful, a little more transformed, whether by a kind word or a genuine look or a humble act... to know that even one life was made more enjoyable because of the way you lived and dreamed...
Perhaps, that is to have dreamt of nobility, and lived it, too.
Let no one ever come to you without feeling happier and better.
- Mother Teresa
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