Monday, May 31, 2010
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Jet Plane.
"No, mummy, it's not. It's NOT a Disney spaceship."
Going for an MRI scan can be very scary, even for adults. One has to stay very, very still and go through a very, very noisy tunnel to allow a powerful magnetic field to align the nuclear magnetization of ions in the body. The rotating magnetic field detected by the scanner then constructs an image of the body which the doctors interpret. To find out what was wrong, they had to do an MRI scan for Jordanna.
"Yes it is a spaceship, imagine... it's a Disney spaceship..." Her mother was sharing with us how she coaxed her child. Even adults find it extremely unpleasant to go through an MRI scan. Some find it claustrophic and even require sedation.
But instead of squirming, throwing a tantrum or kicking a fuss like most kids would, little Jordanna merely said, "No, mummy, it's not... it's... IT'S A JETPLANE!! Like the one we saw on TV!!"
A jetplane.
So is this what courage sounds like- the ability to see all things from a different perspective.
These children from my Sunday School class just never fail to amaze me. Her courage makes my challenges and mountains seem altogether surmountable, altogether small.
The pain in my fracture is still there. Some people have still been worried about how I am coping. To be honest, I do miss being well. But I realise, that seeing this whole ordeal from an entirely different perspective has been most liberating, too.
When we find ourselves going through a black, scary, noisy tunnel, and are told to be still, to remain paralysed, do we find ourselves caught up in fear? Or can we, like little Jordanna, look at the ordeal from an entirely different perspective.
I realise, that seeing the world through the eyes of a child can be most refreshing.
It was not that she downplayed the situation or denied its reality. After all, private jetplanes can be very cramped, and very, very noisy at take-off, too.
Courage, I suppose, is the ability to accept reality and yet making the choice to see things differently.
Today, I tried deep-water running. It's something my physiotherapist has recommended me to do. It involves tying a hydration belt around oneself and running against resistance, quite a tiring feat indeed.
The day she brought me to the pool to teach me this form of physiotherapy, I insisted it was most embarrassing. "Lean, Mean Triathlete" had now been reduced to a float-user in the pool, haa- like all the other elderly aunties in the public pool. (Yes, pride gets in the way.)
But today, looking through Jordanna's eyes, I saw how it was merely, different. And it turned out to be quite fun. Refreshing.
Have you been forced into a place you don't really want to be in, too? Are you made to do something you wish you didn't have to? Are you forced to be still?
Close your eyes. In the face of Jordanna's challenges, everything seems so small, now.
So now, when people ask me what I've been up to, how I'm coping, I simply smile. And wish I could tell them, "I'm on holiday, on a jet plane. And it feels quite... right. "
Saturday, May 29, 2010
GO HABS GO
Ducks
Driving
Working finally!
Well this week I had my final exam on Tuesday. And I spoke with my teacher who is also the owner of the school and told her I would like to work there to do clients. She said that is ok because I am very good and she knows. I began on Wednesday and continued on until today and now I am off Sunday, Monday Tuesday and will continue again for Wednesday.
I will be working Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday of every week from 9:30am until 2:30 pm.
The money is really bad because I only get 50% of whatever i make and the prices are really low because it is a hairdressing school. But I am doing it to gain experience.
It is just me who is working because my class is gone because we finished. The new class is there but they are only halfway through their course so they are not allowed to do clients.
It is very busy and since it is only me it gets very hectic. I am running around all day and I have no time ever to take a lunch or a break or even sit down for a minute or go to the bathroom or anything. I am even getting stuck staying later some days because there are so many clients to do.
On Fridays it is a bit better because some students came to help out with the clients. Fridays are usually the busiest days there so I am lucky that i am not alone. And this girl from the new class comes in and I have her be like an assistant to me to help me wash the clients hair, kind of like how I started out when I was helping out the hairdresser that used to work here. She just quit about 2 weeks ago because she had a fight with the boss and found a new job so that I why I can work there.
I am like kind of in charge I guess. And on Saturdays I am usually going to be all alonee. Today was my first time being alone. They gave me the keys and everything so I could open up and close. It wasn't very busy. I only had 2 clients because I think a lot of people probably think that we are closed on Saturdays so yeah.
But anyways I am off to a good start. I will relax the next few days before I go back to work because it is pretty exhausting stuff but I am getting used to it :)
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Needed.
For the video, you don't have to be a pro, just someone with a big heart, a little bit of experience and an afternoon to spare to have a lot of fun.
For the website, you just need to know how to use tumblr, heh.
Please do drop her an email at tanwaijia@gmail.com if you'd like to find out more. The main thing is to have fun. She'd really appreciate it. Thank you :)
Please don't go.
It cannot be removed. She is 7 years old.
Oh God, please don't take her away.
You've always been such a good girl. You often volunteer in my class, you're polite, and you very often turn your head around during class just to smile at me or make sure I'm actually watching you. I remember once, you came to tell me how young I looked compared to the other teachers and you were so amazed by that, that most of the teachers were mothers and I was so... young. And when I asked you how old you thought I was, you said TEN! TEN YEARS OLD!! and we both giggled ourselves silly.
One Sunday, you shared with me Lolly's story. Your mother was telling that story to the entire children's church and you volunteered to act as the sunflower. Your hands were your petals, and you were looking to the sun. Sunflowers always look heavenward.
Last Sunday, I went to the children's church extra early. I wanted to give you a flower made by Zhang Qing. I wasn't scheduled to teach that day but I just wanted to see you.
You weren't there. They said "something cropped up" and I wondered what it was. Were you ill, had you gotten worse. I didn't dare ask more. Because if I did, I wouldn't know where to stop. What happened to you. How did they find out. What were your symptoms like. What does this mean. Why can't they operate on it. What is the diagnosis. Is it a high or low-grade lesion. Does this mean chemotherapy or radiotherapy. When will you get well. Does this mean you are leaving us.
No. Please don't go.
I blame myself somewhat. Because I saw your squint from the start. A squint is a divergent or convergent gaze in the eyes, what some people may unpleasantly describe as being "cock-eyed". Another child and you in my class had squints and I had asked you both about it, about whether you had seen the doctor. Because a squint could mean having a harmless lazy eye which could be easily corrected by wearing an eye patch, or could imply a raised pressure in the brain because of a growth. I spoke to the other girl's parents, and they assured me she was seeing a doctor. I remember that day when I tried to confirm your squint by getting you to play some "eye games" with me, which really were clinical tests, and you said to me, "How did you know I have a problem with my eyes? How did you know? Mummy took me to see the doctor already. They make me wear an eye patch." I was worried I had hit a raw nerve with you but I forgot, you are still a child, and you only giggled it away. You were so tickled that "I knew".
So I left it at that.
I didn't know, your squint was a sign of something growing in your brain. It was a classic 6th cranial nerve palsy because of increased intracranial pressure. I saw it from the start.
And now they say you have a tumor in your brainstem that cannot be resected. How can this be. It's so unfair.
So I was relieved to see you later at the adult service sitting with your parents near the pulpit. In the middle of the sermon, I came to sit next to you and passed you the flower, because I was worried you might rush off later. You really liked it. I held your hand.
"Are you scared?"
"Yes," she said. "I was scared last week. I have a plaster on my head. They made me sleep from 2pm till 7pm. I was scared."
That was the brain biopsy. That means they had to take out a bit of your brain to test the tumour to see if it is... bad. Is it bad? I didn't even dare to ask.
"You dyed your hair?" I asked, stupidly.
"No, I'm wearing a wig," you whispered very quietly in my ear. Silly me, of course. Of course they had to shave your hair for the biopsy. Of course it was a wig. Stupid me.
I looked into your face and saw your squint was worse. You jumped to sit on the floor by the steps and as you got up, you nearly tripped because you lost your balance.
Ataxia due to brainstem compression. We've been learning about brainstem abnormalities in the Neurology department for 3 weeks now. It causes one to lose one's balance and sense of coordination.
I asked you for a hug and kissed you as I always, always do. You have always been precious to me.
Did you know that that morning, all the children at Sunday School were praying for you? We gave out colourful cards and all of us wrote our prayers and well wishes for you on those cards. I asked the children if they knew you were sick, and each of them understood. Those I asked were 6 and 7 years old, from our class, and they said they knew.
They used the word Cancer, the word we are never allowed to say at the hospital. We must say mitotic lesion or neoplastic growth. Or carcinoma. But we never say the word cancer. It is taboo. It is as if saying the word places a curse on someone. Did you know, we get marked down for using the word Cancer during our examinations- the word must not exist. But children do not care for euphemisms, and each of them believed God would heal you.
God, will you?
Please don't make her suffer.
I'm scared, too.
After church I went for my flute lesson as usual and I played all the sad songs really well, and the happy ones badly. Some of my notes were shaky because my nose went sour and I was trying hard not to cry. I was angry with myself for feeling so sad, when it would be impossible for me to imagine what it must be like for your parents. I was angry for being scared, when I cannot imagine how it must be like for you. You are so brave.
I won't forget your smile, I won't forget the story you shared with me- it was the story of a girl named Lolly, who knew she could be secure in God's love, no matter what the world threw at her. It was a story you liked very much.
Aaron is another 7-year old in our class. I remember he often sits next you. 2 weeks ago, I heard him say you were his "GIRLFRIEND!" He was so proud of it! He was beaming. And you were giggling yourself silly because you were his "GIRLFRIEND!" Worried that he would be crushed by the news, I talked to him today to find out how he was coping. But he was smiling, and he said, "I am praying for her." And we both put fingers to our lips because it was our little secret that you are his "GIRLFRIEND!!"
"Don't tell anyone, okay?" He smiled cheekily at me. You, Aaron, are such a charmer, the slick and smooth kind, precisely the kind of boyfriend I would never want to have. But I just laughed. And wondered what you would do to me if you found out I wrote about your love story here on this space! But I am proud of you, Aaron, because you like her for who she is and not how she looks- I don't know many men my age who would see past a squint. And you like her still even though she is... sick. Is it true that boys treat girls better when they're still boys? I hope not.
For all our knowledge and wisdom, life can hit us in the face. That day, was a stark reminder of our fragility in this life, and the frustrating limitations of medicine.
It cannot be resected.
* Prayer request: Please, if you could spend a minute or two, pray for her.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Nicollette Sheridan showed off her toned body in a black Bikini
Desperate Housewives star Nicollette Sheridan hit Malibu beach in a tiny black string bikini which revealed a body that would put women half her age in the shade. The actress, who is just weeks away from turning 45, looked lean and toned as she strutted along the sand yesterday with her trademark confidence.
The Desperate Housewives star slipped into a string bikini for the occasion
Nicollette is back on the prowl again after splitting from singer Michael Bolton following a two year engagement. The actress and 55-year-old crooner decided to go their separate ways in August, with Bolton saying last month that they 'remain friends'. The couple originally dated for five years in the mid 90s, before splitting in 1997.
After the Sussex-born actress ended her engagement to Swedish personal trainer, Nicklas Söderblom in 2005, she resumed her relationship with Bolton. The couple announced their engagement in March 2006.
Jennifer Aniston on the battle bikini against Broklyn Decker
For most fortysomething women the prospect of slipping into a bikini alongside a young swimwear model would be a little daunting. But Jennifer Aniston, as you can see, is no average fortysomething. In her stunning hot pink two-piece, she was more than a match for her much younger co-star.
Jennifer Aniston and co-star Brooklyn Decker peel off as they film a scene for Just Go With It in Hawaii
The 41-year-old actress showed off a flawless figure as she peeled off to shoot scenes for her latest film, Just Go For It, in Hawaii last week. With her was swimwear model Brooklyn Decker, 23, the wife of tennis star Andy Roddick. But perhaps Miss Aniston is not as naturally confident as she seems. She began a gruelling training regime after hearing she would be starring alongside Miss Decker.
Aniston's exercise regime is paying off
She has flown her personal trainer Mandy Ingber over to the island to help her get in shape. The pair see one another five times a week for punishing 80-minute gym routines that include yoga, martial arts and running. As well as power-walking twice a day, Miss Aniston is said to be a fan of Budokon - a martial art-based exercise.
However, she denied claims that she was following a baby food diet. She said: 'I eat really well and I work out, but I don't starve myself in an extremist way. You're not taking away my coffee or my glass of wine because I'd be devastated.'
In the film, the Adam Sandler plays Dr Patrick Maccabee, a commitment-phobic plastic surgeon dating a girl nearly half his age - played by Decker, 23. Decker's character Beverly wants to settle down with Patrick, so he lies to her, claiming he's already married with children. He enlists the help of his receptionist Katherine Palmer, a single mother played by Aniston, to pretend to be his 'estranged wife'.
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Holding Your hand.
I liked that.
At Sunday school, the children I teach like to take my hand. Today, as we sang and danced, one of you darlings took my hand and held it throughout the session, lightly, gingerly and yet, so faithfully. When you got tired, you simply tossed my hand to your bosom so you could still hang on to it loosely.
You never let me go.
Today, my fracture site hurt. It hurt when I sit and when I stood. I think the pain has become more pronounced only because I have become more aware of it. I thought about the intensity of my personality, what J had spoken to me and warned me about- that it is both my greatest strength and weakness; I thought about how the fracture could possibly have happened; I thought about the ways I could've possibly grieved God with my own self-striving attitude.
All this while, He never let me go. Even as I ran away, time and again, because I wanted more control, because I thought I knew better, because I wanted to be sure I could hit the mark, He never let me go. He never chained my hands or gripped them cruelly. But up or down, swayed left or right, He always held my hand, lightly, gingerly, even when my grasp went limp.
Holding hands is a 2-person thing, isn't it. It is tiring to hold on to a hand which doesn't cooperate. It is hard to love someone who doesn't love you back. But even when I let go today, my little child never let my hand go. She just played with it, wanted a sense of being close to me.
My heart is not completely surrendered. There are days I still want to keep doing things, to keep my time occupied, when I know you have asked me to rest, to pray, to simply be. Even then you are patient. You could choose to dispose of me- surely you can afford it. But you are furiously in love with me, with us, how could you bear it?
A friend told me about the story of a shepherd, who loved his sheep so much that he had to break a leg of one of them because it kept straying. If he had not done so, it would have gone astray and got eaten by a wolf. Yet, it was the injured one which grew closest to the shepherd.
The doctor said, no races for 9 months. That's about the duration from now till my final exams- it's not a lot of time if you think about what I've missed out on because of my illness. I always prayed that you would tell me when to stop, when to let go; I often prayed you would help me cling loosely to all my possessions, especially my bike which I love; I prayed hard you would help me to be a competent, compassionate and professional doctor. I guess, with this fracture, you answered all my prayers, in the most perfect and painful way. In some way, you broke my leg, too. Call me crazy, but it makes me love you more.
Pain is sweet. This is a different sort of pain for a different season.
Thank you for reminding me, that in spite of it all, you are always there, ever so patient with our repeated failings. When will you tire of my rebellion.
So God, help me to be still. Help me to stop doing things, to stop running away.
I just want this moment to savour, just to hold your hand, too.
Friday, May 21, 2010
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Fracture.
It's been 6 weeks. I want to talk about it.
People have been concerned. Are you okay? Have you been coping? Are you depressed?
Yes. Yes. No.
They were worried because they knew a large part of my life would be gone. They were concerned because they knew it was important to me.
Yesterday, at my followup appointment, the doctor took an X-ray for me. "From your persistent symptoms, I think you may have a stress fracture. You need an X-ray."
"I thought you said it wasn't necessary. Anyway, if it really is a hairline fracture like you said, we won't be able to pick it up on the X-ray."
"Yes. But if we can, it's probably serious then."
To my juniors doing Emergency Medicine and Orthopedics at the moment, please spot the pathology:
To be fair to you, this isn't a very good photo, but there is an obvious fracture on the left inferior ramus of the pelvis and a callus formed around it.
"No running at all for the next 3 months. No racing for the next 9 months.You can start biking on the roads, maybe in July."
"9 months? That's like, next year."
"Yes. It's always best to recover fully before starting out again."
I'd to trust him. He's Ben Tan after all, Singapore's most renowned sports doctor. He himself is a triathlete, an ASEAN gold-medallist and boasts a sub 3-hour marathon timing.
"How did it happen?"
"It's accummulative."
"But I wasn't even training a lot."
"Everybody's threshold is different. This fracture is common in female athletes."
Apparently, it wasn't only my gracilis muscle which was torn. All the other muscles around it including the adductor magnus and 2 hamstrings were torn, too. The adductor magnus tugged so hard at the pelvic bone that a part of it got fractured.
Some friends have been worried about how I am taking the news. Can you walk? Does it hurt when you walk? Are you okay?
Yes. Sometimes. Yes.
It's very strange how an incident which ought to have devastated me has been one I am most grateful for. God taught me much through this, and I am still learning much now.
Perhaps the greatest lesson I've learnt is not to strive by myself, but to trust more in God. I am amazed by how my injury parallels that of a man named Jacob in the bible. Jacob loved God a lot, but he often relied on himself to get God's work done. One day, an angel wrestled with him and injured his hip and sinew, as it was God's way of getting his attention, to humble and teach him. After that incident, Jacob was forever changed.
Isn't that just like what He did to me?
Like Jacob, who walked with a limp after an angel touched his hip and caused his sinew to shrink, I feel like I have gone through a spiritual experience as well.
This incident has changed me, and I'm thankful. It has taught me self-control. If I hadn't injured myself that day, I believe it would have happened later. It is just like me to want to be valedictorian in everything (a terrible trait, indeed)- if given the task of cleaning windows I think I would have cleaned them so I could be Valedictorian of the Window Cleaning Association. If I did not injure myself, I think my studies would have suffered- because I would try to be good at both, and fail. Dr. L did warn me.
In Mandarin, there's a saying- yi xn bu neng er yong.
It literally means, you can't use one heart for two things. Metaphorically. it means one must be wholehearted and devoted to only one thing at a time. If not, the heart becomes divided. This season, I want to dedicate myself to being a good doctor. I am in my final year, it is the final lap.
I do think about that fateful day often- it runs in my mind like a bad video. If I had been wholehearted about my work and gone back to the hospital that Sunday, this may not have happened. Nonetheless, there is a peace about this all. There is beauty in knowing that this may be God's way of chastening me. And His love for me grants me profound relief.
People have been worried for me, that I may blame, question or suspect God. But they have instead come up to me telling me how encouraged and downright surprised they are at my response. It's hard not be grateful, because deep down inside, I know God has a reason, and his plan is always good and best.
Because of my injury. I have learnt to rest. Because of it, I have learnt to be humble and patient. Because of it, I have had the chance to sort out my work and refresh myself in my studies. It has done me a whole lot of good.
But perhaps what I'm secretly most joyful about and relieved for, is knowing that God has used this for good.
You know, I always doubted myself when I was training. A Taste of Rainbow, a book birthed from my recovery from my illness, was getting published, and I often wondered if triathlon training was merely a facade I hid behind to mask the old fears and hang-ups I had about my weight, and self-esteem. How long could I keep up with it? Had I "recovered" only because I had found a new crutch to lean on? Was I eating well only because I was doing so much sports?
Training to that extent was becoming unrealistic, and I did not want to know that that was my new master. I did not want to be enslaved to a new regime that I would be emotionally and physically bound to. In Hiding from Love, John Townsend writes of how many of us use "legitimate" activities to fill the holes in our lives. Unlike alcohol or smoking which are obviously bad, many of us use work, sports, charitable acts etc to fill the empty spaces we have inside.
It's true. I find I can almost always swim, bike or run indefinitely when I'm having a bad day.
But being injured and at peace with my injury made me realise, how God has set me free. Seeing how uncannily similar my injury is to Jacob's, and how uncannily similar the lessons to be learnt are, I find myself at peace with this pain. Though I miss running, I am also refreshed by my new lifestyle. I am fine with training, and with not training; I can rejoice in plenty, and rejoice in want.
This for me, has been incredibly liberating. I can finally stop doubting myself. I have recovered from my illness. I can be sure of that when A Taste of Rainbow gets published. I am convinced.
Knowing that nobody will bug me to compete in any more races this year as I take on my final exams has also been a source of relief. For now, I am estatic to return to my book writing and publishing, my missionary book-reading, my studies, photography, Sunday-school teaching and poetry. Suddenly my mind has been freed up to pursue other things. Some days are harder than others, especially when I long for a long run, but I am mostly happy.
Training for triathlons was a season in my life. There were many precious life and spiritual lessons I learnt from racing, many lessons about Faith. That season has now ended. And I'm ready to let it go, revisit it when and if God permits. I want to move on. Exciting things await.
I remember Pastor's last words to me a week before my race, a day before my injury, "Wai Jia, just finish the race." There was a twinkle in his eye, of genuine love.
I still think about what he said. Finish the race.
I now see, it is a different sort of race. I learnt, that nothing can bring us down when we count it all joy when we fall into various trials, because overcoming our setbacks produces patience, endurance and character, which are needed for us to complete the real race in life, the spiritual marathon of faith, that we have been called to finish. There will be times of grief to overcome, but God's grace will be enough.
To all my friends, who've poured out your concern, love and support on me, I appreciate it very much. You've made this journey bearable and memorable in every way.
The fracture will take a long while to heal, but it will.
" In this you greatly rejoice,
though now for a little while... you have been grieved by various trials...
- 1Peter 1:6
"And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations,
knowing that tribulation produces perseverence;
and perseverence, character,
and character, hope."
- Romans 5:3-4
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Miss USA Rima Fakih 2010 Scandal Pictures
Miss USA 2010 is in the recent news for some photos of Miss USA 2010 Rima Fakih.Some pictures were lingerie photos posted by the Miss USA pageant itself, which were first reported exclusively by Fox411.com's Pop Tarts column. Also another news is doing hte rounds that she was a contestant in a stripping contest sponsored by a Detroit radio station,several photos on Mojointhemorning.com, a morning show on Detroit's Channel 955. Check out the hot pictures of her..
Vision for God.
Out of all the specialties that I've been exposed to, I remember finding Paediatrics the toughest. I hated seeing sick children. I remember being depressed every day during that period. So when she, my Professor With A Legacy, told me straight in my face that I wasn't keeping up, it was like a slap in the face. I remember her asking me to examine a patient's heart. And I stood there, my mind as blank as a sheet as I took in the gravity of reality- that the patient was a little boy with Down's syndrome and multiple abnormalities, abandoned by his family after he had undergone several surgeries. She asked me questions in front of my peers, and I stood there, tongue-tied, overwhelmed by my own grief and shock.
I knew from that day, that as much as I love children, I could never do Paediatrics. I had expected to do very badly for my exam, but I didn't. She gave me extra one-on-one lessons. She wanted to get to know me as a person.
Yesterday, months after my Paediatric examinations, and many weeks after she sent me home in her car one day after we'd bumped into each other outside, she text messaged me to meet her. "I've something for you."
Two books, and a letter.
Vision for God, a beautiful book of the story of Margaret Brand, a medical missionary who trained in London and then served in India with her husband, the famous Dr. Paul Brand whom Philip Yancey wrote books about. She became a world expert on leprosy's effect on the eye. She was Chief of Ophthalmology. "I've this brilliant book I absolutely must give to you, Wai Jia," I remember her telling me that day as she drove me home.
Another book called Granny Brand, the real life story of a woman who, together with her husband Jesse Brand, served the people of India through nursing, teaching and preaching to the diseased and poverty-stricken hill people. Her husband died of blackwater fever and she continued to carry his dream to fulfillment.
Her gifts really touched me, because she remembered my dream to do missions, my fears of Ophthalmology and its temptations to detract me from my goal, and my love of reading. That day when she sent me home, she gave me another book in her car- The Hiding Place by Corrie Ten Boom.
This time, she wrote:
" How are you doing in your schoolwork? You are probably a fairly good student judging from your grades, at least the grades you got for Paediatrics. Don't get too discouraged if you don't do that well here and there- that happens to most of us! Medical school is only a step on the way to being a competent and compassionate doctor.
Whoever told you that ophthalmologists are not helpful on the mission field is mistaken... ..."
She remembered what I had shared with her.
"... One of your concerns was being sucked into the world of wanting more money/position/power. That threat is very real. Part of the problem is the length of training required to practise as a specialist. About 6-7 yeats in Singapore. When you're in the system for so long, it is quite hard to get out. Well, there are a few things you can do. First, keep close to God. He is your best compass."
Her letter was such a surprise. Such an unexpected blessing.
I met her just after I had participated in a meeting with my Vice-Dean about improving our medical curriculum- I've been roped in to help improve the system. Improving the curriculum for my juniors is something which weighs on my heart. Her love reminded me, that I too, ought to aspire to be the kind of doctor who gives back to my juniors, and students, to help them continually aspire to become doctors of inspiration and hope.
She wrote many things... "Practically, you can make frequent trips to missions fields... "
But the one which touched me the most was-
"... I'll pray for you, stay close to God!"
I still remember that day I felt so terrorized when she sized me up and asked me why I wasn't performing, why I wasn't up to par.
I got a really tough case for my exam, Prof. My patient was a blue baby and I'd to disgnose his heart defect.
I passed it well because of you.
Thank you for reminding me what it means to be a doctor- not only a physician, but a teacher, mentor and friend.
It is doctors like you who help me remember to keep my vision for God burning, and ever so real.
Monday, May 17, 2010
Hot Sexy Britney Spears Biography-Britney Spears wallpapers
Britney Spears is one of the most sexy singer,Britny Spears have alot of fans
Background information:
Birth name Britney Jean Spears
Born December 2, 1981 (1981-12-02) (age 28)
McComb, Mississippi,
United States
Origin Kentwood, Louisiana,
United States
Genres Pop, dance-pop, electropop, urban, R&B
Occupations Singer, songwriter, dancer, actress, record producer, fashion designer
Instruments Vocals, piano
Years active 1993–present
Labels Jive
Associated acts The New Mickey Mouse Club, innosense
Website www.britneyspears.com
www.britney.com
Britney Jean Spears (born December 2, 1981) is an American pop singer and entertainer. Born in Mississippi and raised in Louisiana, Spears first appeared on national television in 1992 as a contestant on the Star Search program. At age 12 she performed as a cast member in Disney Channel's television series The All New Mickey Mouse Club from 1993 to 1994.[1] In 1997, Spears signed a recording contract with Jive, which would lead to the release of her debut album ...Baby One More Time in 1999. The album peaked at number one in Billboard 200 and has since sold over 25 million copies worldwide. Her success continued with the release of her second studio album, Oops!... I Did It Again in 2000, which has sold over 20 million copies worldwide. The release of her first two albums established her as a pop icon and is credited for influencing the revival of teen pop in the late 1990s.
In 2001, she released her third studio album Britney and played as the starring role in the film Crossroads. She assumed creative control of her fourth studio album, In the Zone released in 2003, which made her the only female artist of the Nielsen Soundscan era to have her first four albums debut at number one. After the release of her first greatest hits album Greatest Hits: My Prerogative , Spears experienced personal struggles and her career went under hiatus. This was until her fifth studio album, Blackout was released in 2007. Her sixth studio album, Circus was released in 2008, and also debuted at number one on the Billboard 200 albums chart with the hit single "Womanizer" which became Spears second single to peaked at number one in Billboard Hot 100 since her debut single, nearly 10 years later. In late 2009, Spears released The Singles Collection which includes her third number one hit single in the United States entitled "3".
As of late 2007, Spears has sold over 85 million albums worldwide.On December 11, 2009, Billboard named Spears as one of the best selling acts of the 2000s, solely based on album sales as well as the 8th overall best act of the decade based on album sales, chart success, and cultural relativity.She is ranked as the eight best-selling female recording artist in the U.S., having sold more than 32 million copies of her albums and all certified by the Recording Industry Association of America.Spears is currently the fifth best-selling artist act of the decade in the country, as well as the top-selling female album artist.
Studio albums
Discography:
...Baby One More Time (1999)
Oops!... I Did It Again (2000)
Britney (2001)
In the Zone (2003)
Blackout (2007)
Circus (2008)
Compilation albums/EPs:
Greatest Hits: My Prerogative (2004)
Britney & Kevin: Chaotic (2005)
B in the Mix: The Remixes (2005)
The Singles Collection (2009)
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Heels of Steel.
Maybe it's a sign, that it's about time I dealt with it.
I met a friend for tea today. He shared with me that the girl in his life was shutting him out because she was afraid of being in a relationship. Past issues were haunting her, and she felt unable to trust and receive love again.
" I don't understand it. And it's frustrating for me," he said. But I understood why she reacted that way.
Because I thought to myself, I would do the same too.
Run away, shut down, and hide from love. And that realisation scared me.
I was browsing in the church bookshop today when I chanced upon a book called "Hiding from Love" by Dr. John Townsend. It was about learning to change our withdrawal patterns within us, which can be both isolating and destructive to our growth and relationships. It didn't take me 2 minutes to decide I needed to read it.
And so, when he shared with me just a couple of hours later that this girl was "running away and shutting him out" because she was afraid, it wasn't hard for me to see that perhaps God had something about that to say to me, too.
I could perfectly understand her reaction, why she was scared, why she wanted out. She was hiding from love, and running away because she was afraid of being loved.
"It's so unfair to me, and frustrating too."
Till today, I am still trying to figure out what it is that I am petrified of.
Perhaps, it is the fear of knowing I might disappoint somebody or myself: I have bouts of moodiness, I sometimes think too much, and need a lot of personal space. I am not as independent as I show myself to be. And yet, fiercely so at times.
Two weeks ago at a train station, I spun around from a stooping position, only to find R, an old friend from primary school watching me, with arms folded. He had been standing there for a long time, observing me. R used to sit next to me in class in primary school. He used to bully me when I was ten, ha.
"What a surprise! Hi R, how're you doing?" I said, straightening my back from bending down.
" I recognised you from afar."
"Haha, oh dear. That can't be good. You mean I look the same since primary school?" I joked.
"No, cos of the way you were talking. You stopped to talk to the man in that wheelchair selling tissue."
"You mean Peter? Haha, I met him at another train station before heh."
" Yup, no one else would do that. That's how I recognised you from afar."
From afar.
Sometimes I think people see me from afar and see only the good bits. Medical student, triathlete, author, missionary-wannabe, overcomer- it's like she has it all together.
But what they don't know is how much I struggle with medical school. I wish I could tell you I love every bit of medicine, that it's my sole consuming passion- but it isn't. I like medicine, but to me, it's just a tool to reach people, the hurting and the poor. I don't enjoy putting intravenous lines and plugs into people, I don't enjoy seeing people cry, groan and die every day, I don't enjoy working 36-hour shifts. I don't. Sometimes, in the face of mercenary inustice and fatigue, I hate this job. Sometimes, I wish I were teaching children instead. But I do it because I believe there is a greater purpose in it, that God has a plan, and I am convinced of it.
What they don't know is that this triathlete isn't a real triathlete at all. I've only done one mini race and I'm an accident-prone amateur. What they don't know is that I tend to take things to the extreme, that I'm still struggling to find a balance between work and play, and learning what it means to be comfortable with my body. I am still finding that equiibrium. What they don't know is that triathlon is a seemingly healthy way for me to deal with life, and its absence has forced me to deal with the holes it used to help fill.
What they don't know is that behind every book are tears, buckets of tears because of my own wilfulness and sinfulness. Tears of my own, and of those who love me, those who had to see me suffer. Behind every book is a lot of unspoken suffering. It is not at all glamorous.
I remember I went home sobered that day. R had thought the world of me. He thought I was very kind and generous to Peter. He mentioned he thought I was a saint. What he didn't know was that on my feet were brandnew heels, heels that I liked very much and so bought the day before. Nothing wrong with buying heels except that they cost about sixty-dollars and I already have enough shoes. I bought them because I liked those polka-dotted, vintage-looking wedges very much. At best, I am inconsistent, I thought to myself. Remember, I left that elderly lady at the traffic light junction.
I could perfectly understand why she wanted to run away and hide. I have done it before. It is because of fear. I can see myself doing it again, and hurting people who love me. It is a silly, childish thing to do.
And perhaps, it's time to grow up. Not just to grow up, but to stop hiding.
Later we talked about relationships and marriage. "Relationships are important to me. But I've told God before, that if need be, I'm willing to go through life being single in the mission field if that's what's required of me..."
"That sounds very good. But is it also an excuse to run away (from marriage/intimate relationships)?"
Silence.
"Yes," I said. "It could be." My fingers searched for my cup.
At church today, my pastor made a specific appeal to everyone, for a couple, any couple to come forward to volunteer to be missionaries to Africa. They needed a married couple willing to stay there for about 5 years, who had skills in administrative work and with prior experience of leading a bible study group. The couple had to be committed, had to have had some form of leadership training in a bible school and no outstanding debts. I remember having goosebumps. Tears welled up in my eyes because I thought to myself, that was the answer to my prayer. For the longest time, I had prayed that my church would make appeals like this so that one day I could be sent out, too. Today was the first time an appeal like this was made, and I was glad. But Pastor emphasized he needed a married couple, and that troubled me, made me sit up and question God, and myself.
I suppose, we all have things to deal with. And it's about time I dealt with mine. John Townsend writes, that as children, our hiding patterns may have protected us in a threatening environment. But what served as protection for a child can become a prison to an adult, isolating us from the very things we need to heal and mature.
Do you have a hiding pattern, too?
There's a story in the bible about Adam and Eve. After eating the forbidden fruit out of rebellion, they hid from God. Hiding, besides disobedience, was one of the earliest sins committed. It is an ancient, ancient sin. If only they had come clean.
I can see how certain incidents from the past have left an indelible impression on me, how they has left me deeply cynical about relationships, how my defense system goes up and shuts my system down when my fences are breached. But I am also learning, that I am a grown-up now, and I have the choice to free myself of these debilitating and false beliefs. Time is needed to delve deep inside to ask the tough questions.
Are there things you are afraid of too? Things which prevent you from forming meaningful and intimate relationships?
I have been thankful for my injury. I have stopped asking God for healing, because I truly believe this is a season for rest and reflection and to sort the deep things in the hardened bits of my heart out. I truly believe, that once God has taught me all He needs me to learn this season, my leg will naturally be healed completely. But for now, it is good for me to be still.
And so I suppose, it is a good season for me to stop, to rest and reflect, and to finally be brave enough to come out from hiding to see the truth, to be honest with myself and to see my feet for what they really are- feet of clay clad in heels of steel. Because only then, can restoration begin and can I, can we truly, be set free.
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Brooklyn Decker Hot Bikini Pictures
Some candid pics of hot Brooklyn Decker in a bikini, recently she was also cover girl for Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition . She was seen in Hawaii shooting with Jennifer Aniston for her new comedy movie ‘Just Go With I".
