Google to Confuse Even More Publications By Archiving 244 Years Worth of Print

Stocks plummet as news of flying machine makes trains obsolete

Because causing United Airlines stocks to plummet below two cents isn't enough damage done in a day for Google, the search engine has announced plans to begin archiving 244 years worth of newsworthy articles online।

Hilarity ensues when news of a bombing at Pearl Harbor get picked up in The New York Times and jump-starts World War III.